Sometimes, I feel like a unicorn, and it’s never in the fun way.
As an adult female autistic who runs a podcast and media outlet, I am what our media would present as a depressingly-rare convergence of traits. In fact, trying to find even one depiction of a grown autistic woman in the media is so akin to hunting for a mythical beast, that I sometimes wonder if the world knows I exist.
I was not born empowered enough to proffer myself as the solution to this problem.
In retrospect, I was and am a pretty standard diagnosis for what was formerly called Asperger’s. In fact, I underwent generalized psychological testing as a child, but the test practitioner concluded that, despite meeting the other qualifications, I am not on the spectrum because I am very gregarious, and “it’s unlikely for females to have autism.”
We also know now that many women with autism go without diagnosis, primarily because they don’t always fit classic symptoms and are better at hiding the symptoms they do have.
There is a basic gender bias in the medical community, including a male-centric diagnostic model for autism. Also, girls with autism are frequently less overt in their symptom presentation and more capable of socialization.
In any case, this results in there being very few girls and nonbinary folk with autism in the media.
Additionally, everyone is so obsessed with autistic children and teens that depictions of adults with autism are pretty rare as well. However, the focus on autistic children almost makes it seem like we never grow up and become successful adults– like we just disappear.
Because I never saw myself in the media, my process of understanding and accepting my identity was grueling. The goal of my podcast, Weird Kids Wanted, is to ensure that no one else experiences the same arduous journey to self-acceptance.
My co-host Miyuki and I created Weird Kids Wanted as a rebellious response to mainstream media’s commercialized choke-hold on the literary and film scenes. Weird Kids Wanted is a literary and social criticism podcast for the alternative community- and any way that you find yourself in the word “alternative” is fine by us.
I have lived my entire life as “the weird girl,” a title that started off debilitatingly hurtful… until I found the power in it. For years, I struggled to be like everyone else. But, after a particularly bad year of bullying in the sixth grade, I realized that almost everyone else in my class sucked!
Now, even after receiving my “soft diagnosis” (Read: I think you have autism, but diagnosing you at your age will be a burden on your medical record rather than a qualifier for you to receive resources), I still have zero desire to assimilate into the norm. Granted, autism provides me with challenges at work, in relationships, and in life every day.
People think that autistic people want to be neurotypical. They think that anyone different wants to be the same as everyone else. It’s as if our identity as atypical people is just a stain on our medical histories, or a grade school, name-calling prison sentence that ends upon reaching adulthood. But, for me, being weird equates to being free.
Free from societal constraints.
Free from fashion, relationship, career, and intellectual rules that don’t suit me.
Free from reading, watching, and thinking the same things as everyone else.
The only problem is, our culture is designed for people who exist inside the box of normalcy. Weird Kids Wanted strives to welcome weird kids, young and old, into a community curated for them, full of books, movies, and conversations that are unique, bizarre, and perfect for them!
Our goal is to create a world free from boring, commercialized, and mainstream media. A world just for us.
- Book Review: My Brother Otto - November 16, 2020
- Finding Adult Autistic Women in the Media: A Unicorn Hunt - July 19, 2019