You look at me and see my face.
You judge, you decide
Donβt even know the color of my eyes
You donβt know how to really see
If you canβt see my misery
You look on the surface where the game begins
My smile, my nods, my exuberant within
The game is one Iβm down to play
It keeps the questions and confusion at bay
You talk and laugh at your own wit
I smile with my mouth while my eyes want to spit
This fraud, this counterfeit menagerie
A simple display of emotions I let you see.
But you donβt. You donβt see me
To see me is to be disturbed
To squint, and smirk, and let out a nervous βerrrβ
To uncomfortably shift weight and grasp at your bag
To look around for an easy escape
I show you my fear of simple things
Of lines, of crowds, of just being seen
Of wind, and noise, and social events
Some days I forget to bathe and pay my rent
I show you how it feels when you talk to me
How my temperature goes up and I start sweating
I show you my heart pounding in my chest
I show you my anxiety over failing your test
I show you my panic to find something to say
I show you my exhaustion at the end of each day
You now refuse to even look up from the ground
That ground I know so well from keeping my own head down
So what would you do if you really saw me?
Iβm terrified to know, so I let you see what you see
- Poetry: Counterfeit Menagerie - September 15, 2019
- The Cure for Autism - April 2, 2019
- The Entanglement of Emotion on the Spectrum - March 2, 2019