A Letter of Support

Dear Reader,

I know you’ve felt it in the past months and so have I: that moment or moments where the ignorance has won and nightmares have become real and frightening. These moments have me worried, tired, frustrated, and angry. It feels harder to work, harder to survive, and harder to exist. I worry about the future of myself and other disabled people. I have come close to burnout on many occasions.

As an autistic and an ADHDer, it takes a lot of work to function. It also took me a very long time to acknowledge that everyone doesn’t possess the same viewpoint that I do. I had to learn that admitting that something doesn’t work and trying something different is the path forward. And I believe that if the world will truly get past any of this, it must do the same.

Toni Morrison, “The Source of Self Regard: Selected Essays, Speeches, And Meditations”, 2019

I have had to face a hard truth during this time. I must admit how this world operates at its core: its lack of humanity, its elitist-driven power structure, and its need for violence are disgustingly toxic. They don’t care about what their toxicity does to humanity and the environment as a whole. That I must operate in their systems, play their games, and listen to their awful rhetoric is unacceptable. Their actions are a clear path to the extinction of all life on this planet.

So if you are reading this, take care of yourself out there. Do good. Say what you need to say. Be kind. I’m rooting for you as much as I root for myself. If you can’t do much, then do what you can.

The Boondocks, “The Hunger Strike“, May 29, 2020

Taking care of myself and being objective is the path I choose to take during this time. The greatest power I have is the ability to make a different choice for myself and others. And when I do that, I have a chance to make the world better.

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10 Responses

  1. Thank you for sharing this. I feel the same. It’s so disheartening, but it’s uplifting to read your post.

  2. I am really moved by your post Emmanuel. I agree with you about the world that humans have created. It is terribly hostile for so many people and that is so hard to live with. Thank you for your encouraging comments. I am rooting for you too. We can only do our best.

  3. You have articulated my thoughts as well. These are terrible times and I feel absolutely powerless against them. It has adversely affected me in every possible way, even my physical health now. I honestly do not see a positive end to it, which is most disheartening.

  4. E-,

    Thanks so much for your story and your openness. Like many things associated with with The Spectrum, we desperately need more conversation and awareness. I recently took an online test to learn about my diagnosis. I am now looking to get it confirmed. So much about my past has come into much clearer focus since the test, so I’m sure it’s correct. I have lived my entire life this way in and out of therapy (probably over a dozen) and this was never mentioned as a possibility. I am over twice your age and Black, and I can feel a good cry coming on soon because so much of my life would have been much, much easier had I known. I believe that absolutely NOTHING can be accomplished in life without first having the belief it is possible. Rarely does something great happen by accident. Dr. Denis Waitley, noted Motivational Psychologist once wrote a poem called, “If You Think you Can, You Can!” Every time I look it up it’s changed, but I like the original version. Let me know and I’ll send it. It’s been HUGE for me! Through my hardships I kept telling myself this was temporary and victory was eventually possible. Although there was far too much fighting, I am convinced that sometimes it is the only option. Celebrate who you are in your uniqueness, especially those times when people who don’t care or understand try to beat you down. Feel the LOVE of myself and all the other good people you encourage and inspire by how you choose to live. Remember that some are inspired silently, just because they don’t speak, doesn’t mean that are not affected. Lastly, You do You! Is there anybody better at it?


    “Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things lawful for itself and all things possible.”- Tomas A. Kempis

  5. I appreciate you sharing your story and being so honest. We urgently need to have more conversations and raise awareness about this issue, as well as many other aspects of The Spectrum. Recently, I took a test online to find out my diagnosis. I’m trying to confirm it right now. Since the test, a lot of my background has been much more clear to me, therefore I’m confident it’s accurate. I have gone in and out of therapy for much of my life, maybe more than a dozen times, and this has never been raised as a possibility. I’m Black and more than twice your age, and I can already feel a good tear coming on. Had I known, so many things in my life would have been so much simpler. I firmly believe that without initially having the conviction that anything is feasible, absolutely nothng in life can be accomplished.

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