The Autism Spectrum According to Autistic People

Autism neurodiversity
Autism neurodiversity

Invisible Abuse: ABA and the things only autistic people can see

young child lining up playdough in the colors of the rainbow from red to violet.

If you want to upset a self-described Autism Mom, all you have to do is tell her that ABA is abusive.

This argument breaks out on social media so many times every single day.

Autism is an unusual condition because the community is so sharply divided.

On one side you have the neurotypical parents and families of autistic children, and on the other you have the online community of adult autistic people, many of whom are parents to autistic children.

The two sides disagree on virtually everything, but arguably the most contentious subject is Applied Behaviour Analysis Therapy.

ABA Therapists and many families of autistic people hail it as the most effective, most scientifically proven way to help autistic children develop life skills such as speech, potty training, and going to the grocery store without going into full meltdown mode.

Autistic adults– many of whom have been through ABA as children– say that it is abuse.

You can imagine how that statement sounds to loving parents whose children adore their ABA therapist and who would never knowingly abuse their beloved child.

You can imagine how it feels to be told that the gold-standard treatment which is bleeding your finances dry so that you can help your child is actually abuse.

The difficulty is that when people hear the word “abuse,” they think of pain and violence.

ABA has a big history of those things, too. Its founder, O. Ivar Lovaas, used electric shocks to stop children from engaging in their obsessive, repetitive behaviours. He systematically trained them with equal combinations of love and pain to behave more like non-autistic children.

He thought he was saving them, turning a raw bundle of nerve endings into something resembling a human being.

One way to look at the job of helping autistic kids is you have to construct a person. You have the raw materials but you have to build the person.


Whenever ABA comes up, so does Lovaas.  Autists point out that he used these same techniques to pioneer gay conversion therapy, which, like ABA, has also been proven to be deeply harmful to the human psyche. They also point out that while fewer ABA therapists use things like electric shock, it is still used and considered important by several institutions.

“But ABA has changed,” people argue. “My ABA therapist never uses punishment. It’s all positive and reward-based.”

That is very true for many people. Most ABA therapists don’t set out to hurt children. And yet, despite making ABA therapy fun and positive, the underlying goals of ABA have not changed.

And it is these goals that, like gay conversion therapy, do long-term damage to the human psyche.

The reason parents and ABA therapists can’t see it as abusive is because they can’t see it from an autistic point of view.

Let’s take a moment to look at some ABA in progress.




So? Did you see any child abuse?

Probably not.

How about here?

Or here?

Sure, the child was unhappy in the first video but the teacher was patient and she recovered, right?

And in the second video, they’re trying to teach children not to be disruptive, but they aren’t punishing the child or anything.

In all of these videos the children are never yelled at, scolded, shamed, or injured. They are praised and rewarded when they get things right, and often the kids seem to be enjoying the games.

No electric shocks, no aversive, nothing to make the experience traumatic, right?


Allistic people can’t see it, because they don’t understand how it feels to be autistic.

Let’s go back to that first video.

While they do not address it in the voice-over, if you watched it again you would notice how often the therapists take the children’s hands and fold them into the children’s lap.

You would also notice how often the child’s feelings are ignored.

In the first video, several of the children begin rubbing their eyes and looking tired, but they do not address this.

In the video with the girl in the supermarket, an autistic person can spot that she was getting overstimulated, exhausted, and was increasingly desperate to escape this environment.

In the video with the crying child, an autistic person wonders why she is so unhappy. Is she exhausted? Overtired? Overwhelmed? And when she stops fussing and goes back to doing the work, we can see the resignation on her face.

She isn’t happier. She’s just accepted that her feelings don’t matter and the fastest way to escape the situation is by complying.

In the last, you can see that ABA therapists deliberately ignore attempts to communicate or produce behaviours that have not been demanded by the therapist.

The child wants his mother’s attention. Would I ignore my child while trying to listen to what his doctor was telling me? Probably. But I would “shhh” or pat his arm to let him know that he was heard, and I would be with him in a minute.

Notice that ABA doesn’t tell you to go back to the child after and find out what they needed or wanted.

And that is the problem with ABA.

Not the rewards, not the silly imitation games. The problem with ABA is that it addresses the child’s behaviours, not the child’s needs.

Think of those happy little children in that first video.

Now understand that sessions like this are not a couple of hours a week. ABA therapists recommend that small children between 2 and 5 go through 40 hours a week of this type of learning.

40 hours a week.

No WONDER those kids are rubbing their eyes.

My allistic eight year old doesn’t do 40 hours a week of school. He goes to school from nine to three and gets a half hour recess and a half hour lunch. That’s 5 hours a day five days a week. 25 hours of active learning. And much of his class time is actually quiet reading, playing with learning materials, gym, or talking in a circle with his peers. So make it less than 20 hours a week of being actively taught.

Imagine asking double that for a preschooler.

Now consider that ABA is designed to ignore any protests the child might make.

ABA is not designed to consider the child’s feelings or emotional needs. 

I’m not making a jump when I say that. You can go to any ABA website and read what they say and you’ll see that there will be no discussion of the child’s emotional welfare or happiness, only behaviours.

To ABA, behaviour is the only thing that matters. ABA considers autistic children as unbalanced kids who need to be balanced out, and if you balance their behaviour, they are fixed.

“…what you need to do is reduce those excesses like the self stimulatory behavior, repetitive behaviors, and increase the skills. And then what will happen is after the child really learns a set of foundational skills; then they will start relating more to other people.”
— Deborah Fein PhD


As you can see from the above video, “self-stimulation”, one of the “excesses” of autism behaviours, is considered a kind of boredom fidget– something useless that replaces real learning and interaction.

When they are erased and replaced with “life skills,” then this is celebrated as a success.

Any autistic person will tell you is that this is NOT what stimming is.

Stimming isn’t just like doodling when you’re bored, or throwing a basketball.

Stimming is a comforting self-soothing behaviour which helps us reduce stress, feel more comfortable in uncomfortable environments, and regulate our emotions.

Many of us feel that our stims are a form of communication – just as a smile or a frown communicates something about our internal states, so do our stims, if you would just pay attention.  Moreso, in fact, since many autistic people smile when they are anxious or frown when they are perfectly content. Studies show that non-autistic people are terrible at interpreting our facial expressions. 

If my husband sees me stimming more than usual in the middle of the day, he frowns and asks if my day is going okay.  But many times he mistakes my emotions based on my facial expressions. My stims are better at translating my emotions than my face is, unless I’m actively animating my face in an allistic way for the benefit of my allistic audience.

Which is exhausting, by the way.

40 hours a week is too much for me so I can’t imagine how a small child manages it.

Grabbing my hands when I stim the way ABA recommends would NOT help my day go better.

It would be an excellent way to piss me off and make me feel frustrated and anxious, though.

It’s one thing to stop a child from hurting themselves by banging their head. It’s another to stop a harmless stim like hand flapping. You’re causing the child emotional discomfort just because the behaviour strikes you as weird.

Go back and watch some of those videos again, noting how often the autistic children are interrupted from hand-waving, making noise, crying, or otherwise trying to express and relieve their emotions.

Notice how often they get the child to make eye contact. Many autistic people find eye contact extremely uncomfortable.  The way the children’s bodies are touched and manipulated so frequently, in corrective redirection, is upsetting the children.  Their faces reflect confusion and sometimes distress.

But learning to tolerate discomfort is what ABA is all about. 

Watch that child enter the grocery store. See how she looks all around? The noise and the lights are stressful and distracting. She wants to please her family and get the cookie pieces so she goes along with the act of putting food in the cart, but after a while she is worn out and can’t stand it anymore.

The mother comments that if they relented at this point and took the child out of the store, her daughter would be rewarded for behaving this way.

That is probably true. If you are in pain, and you scream “Ouch!” and someone comes running and relieves your pain, you’ll probably yell “Ouch” again the next time something hurts you.

Is that… bad?

The parents say the ABA really helped their daughter.

Did it really help the child, though? Or the parents?

The grocery store isn’t any less noisy or bright or overwhelming. And the child obviously still finds it difficult to go in. Instead, she has learned to keep her feelings to herself, to try and focus on pleasing her family, and bottle up her stress inside until she can’t take it any more.

That’s a healthy thing to teach a child, right?

With time she may become excellent at this. She may be able to go to the store, put items in the cart, and go home without a meltdown.

But the meltdown WILL come.

It will come over something minor, some silly thing that seems like nothing and pushes her over the edge where she was already teetering. And they will wonder where it came from.  They’ll talk about how unpredictable her meltdowns can be.

It isn’t unpredictable to us.

We can see it coming. We can see that her autism hasn’t been treated to improve her life so much as to improve her family’s life. And while that is important too, wouldn’t it be better to find a solution that works for everyone?

Did they try ear defenders, and dark glasses?

Did they try encouraging her to stim if stressed?

Did they teach her a polite way to let them know when she has had enough and needs to leave the situation?

I don’t know. I don’t know them. I don’t know their child.

But I do know what autism feels like.

I know that ear defenders are not part of standard ABA protocols.  Instead of teaching them to understand their sensory needs and self-advocate for having their needs met, they are taught to ignore them.

I know that ABA demands the child’s attention but refuses to give attention back when the child demands it.

I know that ABA aims to be positive and rewarding for the child, but doesn’t allow the child to tap out whenever they need to.

I know that ABA considers vital emotional regulation tools to be problems that must be extinguished.

I know that neurotypical pre-schoolers are not usually expected to learn for 40 hours a week.

I know that neurotypical children are encouraged to express their emotions, not smother them.

I know that ABA believes in removing a child’s language tool like the iPad when they are naughty.  I notice that the ABA therapist working with the 8-year-old boy only handed him his communication tool in between “discrete trials.”

I know from activists like Cal Montgomery that even adult autistic people have their communication tools routinely taken away from them if they don’t “comply” to the demands of their therapists and caregivers.

I know that if I ask someone if they think it is abusive to remove a child’s only way of contacting their parents, or to ignore a child in distress, or to force a child into a situation that they find uncomfortable/painful, or refuse to help a child when they are suffering and overwhelmed, they will say yes.

As long as I don’t mention that the child is autistic, anyway.

Autistic kids are different, apparently.

Whenever autistic people protest ABA, we are told that we don’t understand, that we don’t know how hard autistic children are to live with. They talk about improving the child’s independence and argue that it isn’t cruel to teach a child to write or play with toys.

They don’t see how weird it is to try to systematically shape a child’s behaviour to teach them to play with a toy the “right” way.

They don’t see that 40 hours a week of brainwashing a child to put up with stress and discomfort without expressing their feelings might be a bad idea in the long run.

They don’t see how wrong it is to teach a child that their way of feeling comfortable and soothed is wrong and that ignoring your feelings and physical needs is good and gets you approval from your teachers and parents.

They don’t see that it is abusive to ignore a child’s attempts to communicate because they aren’t “complying” with a demand that makes them uncomfortable.

They don’t see how dangerous it is to teach a child to do whatever they are ordered to do, no questions asked, and to never object or say “no.”

They don’t think about the fact that 70% of people with ASD have experienced sexual abuse by the time they are college age.

They don’t think about how this person will learn to stand up for themselves or advocate for their needs when they were systematically trained in preschool never to disagree, speak up, or disobey.

Do what I say. 

Put your hands in your lap.

Don’t cry. Don’t complain.

Listen to me.

I won’t listen to you.

This is not abuse.

…But, you know, the kid gets bubbles and tickles so it’s obviously safe and totally okay.

What do we know?

Our feelings don’t matter anyway.



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312 Responses

  1. Excellent article! And still they say that WE (autistics) are the ones lacking empathy! It’s not just the techniques but how and why they are applied. Even more frightening, I fear that his model seems to be spreading into non autistic special education programs. We’ll end up with an even greater amount of young adults that have little ability to self advocate!

    1. It is horrible the way these therapist attends at these children – they should first learn how to empathy and respect them, I don’t think this kind of therapy will bring any long term improvement to those kids lives.

  2. I found it really disturbing to watch the amount of grabbing, touching, tickling which to me seemed quite aggressive and completely not respectful of the child’s bodily autonomy along with absolute blindness to Any of the children’s non verbal gestures. Where is it acceptable when a child is quite clearly reaching to take something to ignore their hands and then ram it up their tee-shirt?

    1. That really irked me too.

      Also, while I agree with everything the articles says, in addition to that, based on the videos, it looks like the therapists don’t even have a clue about rewarding. For the most part, what’s meant to be rewarding appears to be uncomfortable for the kids judging on their body language, which is in many cases either avoidant or indifferent or resigned (just putting up with it) … so it looks like the therapists apply what they assume are rewards without even first checking out the kid’s preferences and what’s rewarding for them. The “rewards” honestly looked aversive in many cases… as you say, lots of invasive gestures and handling like touching, tickling, leaning over, hugging, starring down etc as part of both the interaction and then as “rewards” too… If this was animal training, they would all have been sacked long ago for their incompetence

      1. I thought that too! Completely daft (and seemingly showing a complete lack of understanding of autism!) Perhaps this ‘therapist’ found out the child liked tickling, but I find that doubtful.

        All autistic people are different of course, but the number of autistic people who enjoy being tickled (particularly by someone who is not a very close friend/parent, etc.) must be infinitesimally small!

      1. Thanks for this perspective. I’ve been contemplating ABA for my child, but as a mental health therapist myself I’ve always been skeptical. It seems problematic to focus excessively on behavior without regard for the emotions and neurological underpinnings of that behavior. So, thanks for your insight as an autistic person. I would love your thoughts on alternatives to ABA.

        1. Hi there,

          I have recently discovered that I am autistic ‘by accident’, when visiting a mental health professional for another matter. This has made my life history make a huge amount of sense to me.

          I have randomly happened on the concept of ABA recently when researching about autism.

          I am horrified by it, to be honest. I can’t imagine how broken I’d be, had I been put through that as a child.

          As a suggestion, in answer to your question – I wonder if mentoring by an adult with autism, might be a good idea.

          We know what it is like to have this type of brain (at a broad brush; of course all autistic people are individuals, with varying personalities, abilities and difficulties).

          As examples, – we could help children to find/demonstrate polite ways to explain (or non verbally show) that they need a time out, to recover from lots of stimulation. – We could help children to choose a list of times that it might be useful to act in a slightly more NT way (formal situations for instance), and help them to find more discreet stims to achieve this (in an ability appropriate way, of course – it could just be demonstrating different discreet stims, and encouraging them to try them out, if they want to). – In the same way, we can help them to build self esteem, and understand times when they can ‘just be wholly their autistic selves’ (when with friends and family, for instance). (It took so many years for me to work these things out by myself.) – We can help them with tips such as, if they are in a situation where it would help communication with an NT person, they can look at the spot between someone’s eyebrows (the NT person will never know that they are not actually looking into their eyes!) – Supermarket shopping lesson for teen autistics (those who find it horrible) – choose a small grocery store, and only purchase food for a couple of days at a time. Get in and out as quickly as possible! Use the self service checkouts if that is an option (self scan checkouts might be a UK only thing.), so you don’t have to waste small talk energy on supermarket shopping! [I now understand why I shop in this way!]

          All of these things could be done in an age and ability appropriate way. Looking at the spot between eyebrows for example (faked eye contact), could be practiced by encouraging a young child to choose a fun sticker, and playfully suggesting that they put the sticker on their ‘in-between eyebrow spot’ – then gently, in a fun playful way, encouraging looking at the sticker, and the mentor doing the same back (but absolutely no forcing it).

          The things that the mentor could help with would be different for each child – depending on whether a child is verbal/non-verbal, their interests, and personalities, etc. But, the mentoring would at least come from a place of broad understanding.

          One other thing to mention (whilst I have a list of complaints about ABA, I’ll stick with one) – the ‘therapy’ doesn’t seem to teach actual life skills, and ways to successfully exist in a happy way, in a majority NT world. ‘Touch your nose’, ‘pat that’ etc. I cannot see how these things are helpful skills!

          I used to play with dolls for endless hours as a child, by myself – muttering ‘the conversations that the dolls were having with each other’ out loud to myself. It is clear to me now that I was practicing my ‘conversation scripts’ by doing this.

          Surely we can assist children with actual life skills in a fun way (that suits them). We could, for example (connected to the above), help children to find ways to ‘pre-practice’ having conversations (that is fun and right for them and that is ability appropriate), in a low pressure and fun way.

          I believe I’d be much less of a ‘late bloomer’ had I had a bit of mentoring by someone who intrinsically understands.

          (Not that being a late bloomer is a bad thing – but it is very hard and time consuming, to have to work out so many things by trial and error, and thinking through things.)

          1. I don’t know that mentoring by another Asperger’s person would necessarily help. We ARE all different. Both of my parents would have been diagnosed as Asperger’s if it was around then) but neither of them really understood me. (And they BOTH though the other one was mad.)
            I was a rather lonely child and spent a lot of my time hiding from my parents. I found some other adults who seems to understand me and used them as role models.

          2. I agree that the videos chosen are not the best examples of ABA but this is a very biased article. There are plenty of other videos available that show different applications but this author is, as she identifies in her bio, an author of fiction.

          3. Many of those videos are from well-respected sites. Please, include links of “best examples” of ABA, please, if you want to accuse me of inventing nonsense.

        2. PS – a large part of the mentoring must be listening to the child (or ‘listening by looking’ for the non-verbal children, and helping children to find the solutions that are right for them.

          For example, some teens may be over stimulated by rushing things. Therefore, the mentor’s job (re: my grocery shopping example), would be to help the young person find the right solution for them, and support them to practice it/try it out. (Perhaps that might mean shopping slowly, in a regimented/ordered way, whilst wearing sunglasses and noise cancelling head phones. Everyone is different.)

          I wonder if there are programmes that teach autism mentoring to autistic people. There should be, if there is not, I think.

          1. I am sitting here and rock, rock rocking. It helps me — the movement is soothing and I feel it keeps my blood and endocrine glands working. There’s SO much I want to say 🙁
            What we need is to understand HOW ‘normal people’ think. I would suspect that most of us have all these ‘autistic mannerisms, but normal people manage to keep them private.
            But we also need to learn to tell others what we are thinking and feeling. It is OK to tell people that you don’t like croweds so thatyou so much but I wont; go to your party, I will NOT join you for the NYE fireworks. Please never never ask me to be involved in a group hug. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you.

        3. One final thought (my apologies – I know this is a lot of words!) – is to try to understand your child’s behaviour from their perspective, if you can.

          My sitting alone, for 3 or 4 hours straight, holding dolls and muttering to myself, must have looked completely bizzare, and possibly unhealthy. But (as I described in my first post), I was preparing and practicing for my adult life to come.

          1. Sounds perfectly sensible to me.
            Normal People are SO boring. Boring interests boring behaviour’

        4. Honestly… the examples here are not representative of ABA, just examples, and not great examples at that. As a BCBA for a school district I worked every day to stop people putting hands on kids to control or coerce them and to teach the adults better ways of responding. Making learning opportunities accessible, fun and interesting was a huge part of the work I did.
          Almost exclusively the ABA work I have done have been helping teach adults, not with the focus of changing kids. The assumptions mentioned in the post are definitely not true of all ABA therapists. Here is an article to consider. It’s short… https://practicalfunctionalassessment.com/2021/01/26/a-perspective-on-todays-aba-by-dr-greg-hanley/

          1. The really big (HUGE) problem here is with the ‘diagnosis’ of “Autistic”.
            Autistic behaviour can occur due to great variation of causes.
            So far there seems to be no real diagnosis of its cause, therefore there can be no effective remedies across the whole huge spectrum of what in now being called “Autistic”.

        5. Autistic here, with two autistic kids and one NT. I’m glad you’re not doing ABA, it’s awful stuff and very emotionally traumatising, and it absolutely leaves you wide open to sexual abuse because you are never shown how to tell someone to stop after years of being taught your body can be pushed around by anyone and you have no rights. I treat my autistic children the same way as my NT child. They do take more time and need things shown and explained a lot more but it’s easy enough. I did have to put in work to help figure out how to stop harmful behaviours, and it took a while of trial and error working out what the behaviours were stemming from and finding a way to change the house or requirements on them or just giving them a different outlet so they would choose that over hurting themselves. They require significantly more alone time too. I’ve made one goal for their childhoods, and that is to be happy. There’s a lot of damage done to the brain by being sad as a child, so if happiness improves outcomes for NTs then it should work on autistics, so happiness is what they’ll be getting however I can manage that.

    2. I felt the same way about the amount of touching, especially since touching for some autistic people can be a trigger. It’s invading their personal space, my 10 year old son is super sensitive about being touched. We always ask before we give him a hug or something because it’s his choice, and we show him respect for his boundaries.

  3. This is why I believe ABA belongs to a courtroom docks. ⚖️⚖️⚖️
    People who know they are being called out for their ABA sessions but still keep it on with that, should face justice for child abuse.
    No sympathy for people like that. 😡😡😡

  4. If you consider ABA as abuse, PLEASE don’t spread pictures or videos of Autistics being abused. I ask you to delete these videos. You owe us some dignity.

    1. Unfortunately, those videos are publicly accessible, shared by people who don’t see them as abusive. I think it’s worth linking to them here so we can help people understand. The harm from these videos being shared non-consensually in this context is less than the benefit if parents or therapists see this discussion, accompanying these videos, and start to see what’s wrong with this approach.

      1. I think it is also important for many parents to see what actually happens in ABA. Many ABAs don’t allow parents to watch. I insisted on watching it and got through one half of a session with my son and it ended there. I couldn’t imagine how it would be okay for anyone to treat someone I loved like that. No matter what the “goal” was.

        1. This article is focused on a. Part of ABA that is practiced without considering the internal thoughts and feelings of participants. Healthy ABA following BF Skinner’s (not just lovaas) approach to ABA requires parents participation and knowing how far to go with a goal without traumatizing the participants. What you are seeing is unprofessional and unregulated ABA. This starts with good teachers and higher requirements for practitioners of ABA. They should be licensed professionals with training and experience. Many, unfortunately, have never worked with children at the interventionist level. Supervisors require more training and BCBAs are even lacking without the proper training. The field is not regulated enough to be sure that proper instruction is taking place. Until then it is a learning process.

          1. Under every ethics code, no “learning process” trial and error balderdash is acceptable to practice on children who cannot protest or who are not allowed to protest.

            I was a registered ABA behavior technician. These videos are exactly like the most commonly used training videos. Why do you think that even with rampant problems with regulation it’s okay do anything other than strongly condemn ABA for autistic children?

          2. I am REALLY REALLY NOT a fan of Skinner. His research was not done re how to treat mental/psychiatric problems, but simply investigating how animals learn re the use of aversives, punishment and rewards. AKA learned behaviour — Conditioned Reflexes .
            He did not go into hard-wired behaviours, mental problems, lack of intelligence or faults in other senses, damaged brains or . . . .
            HE studied pigeons and rats.
            PLEASE do NOT defend ABA on the grounds that it is pure Skinnerian ‘Behaviorism’/ There is a LOT more involved in behaviour than reflexive “learning”.
            PS as also a trained ‘Behavioural Dog Trainer” I am against relying on Skinner’s ‘quadrants’. They are not hard and fast divisions because their actions rely on how the intervention is perceived by he learner.
            What one child/dog loves and will work as a reward to reinforce wanted behaviour, can be seen as highly aversive by another chilo
            d/dog and introduce more problems rather than solve any.

        2. I think that a better solution would be for the ‘Therapist’ to work with and advise the parents.
          I know that still, at 77, my skin crawls if strangers of people I do not like touch me.
          And YES, I have learned to ‘hide it’ but I still avoid it as much as possible.

  5. That sad little “do this” from the little girl in the first video…

    I can imagine what she’s thinking. “You don’t care how I’m feeling. You just care about me following your commands.”

    1. They use a simple command to not confuse the child. If I was to show and teach you sign language I would be be saying “do this” over and over. It’s just consistency so everyone is on the same page and doesn’t get frustrating at a miscommunication that could have easily be avoided.

      1. I should laugh, But it is really really horrible.
        I learned Sign, and nobody but nobody said over and over ‘Do this”. I had a few teachers at school like that — I didn’t learn under them and heartily disliked them. I am also a trained secondary school teacher and we never never said things like “Do this” over and over again.
        Talk TO the child, Ask the child what they like/want. Give them what they like/want. Let them learn to adapt as best they can, doing things that satisfy them.

  6. Wow. Thank you for explaining it in a way I understand. I never really understood why it was considered abusive, but I get it now.

    1. Many of us with autism have a lot of empathy (whilst, for many of us, it may not be clear that we do, to NTs). The child may well see clearly, to echo AceMindBreaker, that the adult is not taking care of her wants, needs, and happiness (because if one has empathy, one can often clearly see where empathy is not present). The child may (due to theory of mind issues), assume the adult is able to clearly see her unmet wants, needs and unhappiness, but is ignoring them. The only logical explanation therefore to the child, will often be that this adult ‘does not care about me at all’.

  7. Just yesterday, I read a blog post by a mother who was expressing her gratitude to a perfect stranger showing kindness to her child, who was beginning to melt down in the grocery store. The man sat down with him, on the floor, and interacted in a way that settled him and made him laugh. Meltdown averted. Lots of questions there. Had she done anything to protect the child from overstimulation: dark glasses, ear muffs or plugs? Did she believe that trips to the grocery store would eventually “desensitize” the child? Did she learn anything from watching the interaction?

  8. What annoys me when “autism mommies” respond to adult autistics about this, is that we’re often dismissed as “too high functioning” so our opinion doesn’t count. Often it seems like if an autistic person manages to communicate in a way they understand, they’re dismissed as “not autistic enough.” So the only people who are “autistic enough” are the ones who can’t protest what they’re saying.

    1. Can you please stop throwing moms under the bus? I am autistic AND a mom. I know many ally mothers who are very neurodiverse accepting and supportive. Generalizing is never a great idea.

      1. Autistic and neurodiverse moms, as well as ally parents, are not being referred to when someone says “Autism Mom TM” or “autism mommies”.

      2. It’s not generalizing. Their referring to the ones who defend this practice and dismiss the opinions of adult autistics, as it says. Unless that describes you, you don’t need to worry about it.

    2. “High Functioning” is a term created by ableist “autism warrior parents,” in an effort to shut down any autistic voices that are concerned about the way their children are treated. It’s a term often used by ablest organizations such as autism speaks, in an effort to remove the opinions of those impacted by their ableism. ABA is child abuse PERIOD, and I’m grateful my parents never subjected me to this.

    3. I think that I am “autistic enough” to see through this sort of bullying.
      I see our Asperger’s traits as knowing how to tell if others have any bleeding knowledge or authority to insist on what they think from their limited authority-ridden education.

  9. I am a mother of a wonderful boy who is autistic. We do ABA therapy and many of the sessions have been in our home. Many of the things they do are similar to what we do for our two other NT kids. It’s about hoping to teach them coping skills. We would never stop stimming because it is a way of communication but overall he needs to learn what to do when he is overstimulated. I see the divide and understand both sides, but what it the other option besides ABA? (Not being defensive I truely want to know) My 5 year has been suspended several times at school because when he is overstimulated he can become aggressive. I don’t have the answer as to what else we can do because the school system won’t help. I can understand him at home, but how do I help him at school? If he is playing with friends and it’s just too much for him If I’m not there (and I won’t always be) how can I help him learn what to do?

    1. Eileen have you looked at the the DIR floortime method. It is very play based and has worked wonders for my son in socialization and overall happiness.

    2. He can be encouraged to stim more, walk away and take a break, advocate for himself, not feel obligated to continue playing, wear ear plugs/weighted vests/dark glasses/soff clothing. These are things we can be encouraged to do to help us in our environment. Defending ABA and continuing it is not the answer. These things I suggested have worked for me and many other autistic folks to avoid meltdown/shutdown/agressiveness because it addresses our actual needs.

      1. I am a BCBA and work in home and at and ABA center. I actually teach my clients to request these things when they are becoming overwhelmed. They have coping skills programs. We encourage them to request their headphones if it’s too loud, their compression vest if they need sensory input, breaks from work if they feel tired. We work on understanding and expressing emotions and our therapists validate that and work on what the kids can do if they are feeling that way. Some of the kids I work with were being kicked out of school daily for becoming aggressive until we worked with them on requesting the things they needed to be okay. I don’t understand how this is abuse?

        1. Coping skills programs are great! But they are not ABA. I think it’s fantastic to work stuff like that in. It’s the basic goals and methods of ABA itself that I disagree with. There are many other great ways to help autistic children and many BCBAs seem to mix and match. If you believe that headphones and compression vests are a standard part of ABA itself i’d love to see some references because every ABA site I have read and every instructional ABA video I have seen have not mentioned that.

          1. ABA therapists (if doing their job correctly) are supposed to work as an interdisciplinary team along side of other therapies. We work closely with OT and Speech therapists as well as schools to make sure the kids are getting EVERYTHING they need. ABA is not supposed to be one size fits all therapy. The treatment plan should be client based. Coping skills are absolutely a HUGE part of ABA. Teaching functional communication to express wants and needs is one of the main things we focus on. Not all kids even do discrete trials. Some kids need to work on social skills, job training, behaviors (through teaching coping skills and functional communication). Discrete trials (as shown above) are such a tiny piece of what we do and honestly only represents a tiny portion of our clientele. It’s sad that this is the representation of what ABA is.

          2. my son is 14 and we have been doing ABA on and off for along time. asking for breaks are taught from an early age, and the choice of activity is given during breaks whether it is a trampoline or a swing or just walking around or just playing with toys. my son was also taught to cover his ears if there is a noise that he doesnt like. I think ABA is no longer what it used to be. he was never forced to have eye contact and never to stop stimming.

          3. The implementation of the vest or sensory defenses are not part of ABA, but to ask for them in whatever communication way the individual uses in times of need is ABA. I appreciate you trying to open people’s eyes to another side. But, I also want to point out that when you claim you know autism, you know YOUR autism. This entire discussion is way too over generalized for such a diverse community

          4. FYI, coping skills are part of ABA. Also, compression vests, weighted blankets, and other sensory items are used by OTs, not ABA. Parents/caregivers are a fundamental part of ABA. They learn the skills taught through ABA and apply it to their childrens’ daily lives, instead of getting frustrated with them.I know many parents that have no idea how to help their kids, and just let there kids be. In the long run, it is unfair to these kids because they have a lifetime ahead of them to deal with a community that doesn’t understand autism. Let’s give these kids a chance to learn how to navigate through life. They have the learning ability.

            I’m so glad ABA studies is now offered at many universities as a graduate program. I am also glad many schools are hiring ABA therapists to participate in the childrens’ educational plans.

          5. Thomas Edison electrocuted an elephant to death in the name of science. Do we hate lightbulbs and electric? No.

            Coping skills is ABA. I learned about teaching these skills in my required 40 hr video training and tested about it in the accompanying quizzes. That was emphasized the most. So I would also like to see where you got that information when the bibliography is completed.

            In the field I was helping teach an adult whom I didn’t know if they had autism because of HIPPA. How to take his lunch out of his lunch box, microwave and take it out safely, eat it properly, and then throw his trash away as a life skill.

            ABA methods of breaking down each step were used and it was compiled over 15 specific steps and now he can do it by himself when told it’s lunch time. How is that abuse? He is learning independent living skills not playing games.

            ABA is very complex and hard to explain the details and methods that come after the clapping and games. It also to build rapport. Isn’t that important too?
            Also centers don’t usually have sessions more than 2.5 hrs.

            As for the tickles that isn’t a reward for everyone. As part of the RBT certification is a preferences assessment where you assess about which reinforcers the child likes. It is part of a 40 hr training as well as field competencies to demonstrate that ability and also more.

            There are bad apples in every demographic and group. What about when Ivan Pavlov figured out classical conditioning. Is that tactic abuse?

            This material is completely out of date. Doesn’t matter that it’s only been a couple years. Lots have changed. It also has been mandated that insurance pays for ABA services if professionals deems it necessary.

            Also it would be helpful if you could include your sources about your information in a bibliography format as well as citations for each fact you state so everyone can understand and know exactly where info came from.

            If you could add that it would be greatly appreciated 🙂

        2. I did not read this article in its entirety. I stopped when the article claimed Lovaas as the founder of ABA. Lovaas is not the “founder” of applied behavior analysis. Period. Applied Behavior Analysis is more than “ABA Therapy.” In fact, I am not fond of that term. I am also not a fan of Lovaas. Applied Behavior Analysis is the science of behavior, regardless if you are a child, adult or any other animal, it’s how the world works. You don’t have to have a disability to benefit from it. We encounter contingencies every single day as we live. It’s a shame that ABA gets a bad name due to people out there that practice it the wrong way. I hope as time goes, professionals will continue to disseminate the science and show the benefits for everyone, disability or no disability, for businesses, private organizations as well as public. The principles of ABA naturally occur in the world for everyone, everyday of their lives.

          1. If you are referring to the fact that radical behaviourism existed before Lovaas, we have a great article about that on this site too. If you stopped reading before getting to any of the main points in the article then you obviously arent interested in learning how autistic people experience or view ABA therapy.

            If you feel the people in the videos are doing it “the wrong way” I’d love to hear about it. Most of them are promotional videos from ABA schools.

        3. It isn’t? It also isn’t ABA? Like, just because you are a BCBA doesn’t mean everything you do is ABA. The stuff specifically mentioned above is abusive – discouraging harmless stims, teaching children eye contact, grabbing their hands, making them spend hours every day being systematically rewarded or ignored for everything they do…

          1. As a normal child who wasnt in ABA we didnt exactly get to do what we wanted, teachers have said straight to my face they dont care how I feel were doing it the way she said, told all the time by teacher “hey you look at someone when theyre talking to you” and last I checked we got time out or a star sticker depending upon how well we did what our teachers (instead of therapist) told us and they didnt care if things made us sad we were told to do things and expected to do them. Welcome to life. No one really cares how you feel just how can you make their lives easier. Kids are forced to do things they dont want to everyday. Its not abuse its teching them authority, a system our whole country is based on.
            What happens when that kid gets older and he cant force himself to make eye contact when necessary. He is approached by a police officer because he matches the description of a perp and request ID. The officer is going to end up screaming at this kid to look him in the eyes. The kid could end up wrongly arrested or even killed because he cant force himself to listen to authority like everyone else has been taught.

          2. So what you’re saying, Gab, is “I had an abusive teacher, therefore all children should be abused by teachers”? Doesn’t sound like a good argument to me.
            And if you’re trying to justify abuse by teachers or therapists by pointing out abuse by cops, well…
            Shouldn’t we, instead of demanding that children be properly subject to enough abuse to break them, rather demand some better standard for what cops get away with?

          3. Well, in a classroom at a random elementary school, do teachers never provide a reward for good behavior such as completing an assignment that a student doesn’t want to do? Or discipline a child for breaking a rule that a child doesn’t want to follow, such as indoor voices? Both of those are what contingencies are in a non-ABA setting.

            To provide a more applicable contingency, your replies and comments to this article are met with responses and many supporters and ‘like’s. If your article was met with complete silence and no attention from anyone, would you further invest in your article and continue this discussion even if you were by yourself? That is a contingency that is social. If your words fell on deaf ears you might not continue to discuss this topic further.

          4. That’s the thing. The author of this article didn’t write this for praise or accolades. It was an act of selfless service with no need for a reward. It was to achieve an end. Your view that egotism and tangible rewards or social status matters to autistic people is just a reflection of your own egotism. We’re not wired to be rewarded by the same things you are. We’re wired to pursue passions. You’re wired to maintain the status quo. Autistic people have no illusions about how the world regards them.

            And, autistic people are immune to your polished patronizing. The author of this article didn’t need your basic cause and effect lesson.

    3. There are lots of great alternatives to ABA. Some of them have been mentioned in this thread – headphones, compression vests, teaching the child to advocate for their needs. Even the “coping skills” you mention do not sound like ABA. Many ABA therapists encorporate these other therapies into their work, confusing people into thinking EVERYTHING their BCBA is doing is “ABA”. That is not true. ABA is analyzing your child’s behaviour, and then coming up with a reinforcement/extinction plan. It involves descrete trials as shown above. Teaching a child how to leave an overwhelming situation is not ABA even if it is done by an ABA therapist.

      1. The other thing I think is worth noting is that a lot of insurances only cover ABA. So some practices have started using the ABA label while not really doing ABA-type things. I understand the reasoning but it does make things harder for people trying to talk about ABA, because the term is often used where it’s not really correct.

      2. BCBAs and ABA therapists teach the communication skills for children to requests these items when they need them 🙂 we want our clients to be able to advocate for themselves and tell people when they need these things. If they can not communicate how will anyone know when they need the headphones or the compression vest?

        1. What counts as functional communication? Is it just speech, sign, or pecs? Does running or pushing away count? Do you even remember to account for the fact that they might not be able to communicate in a way that counts as functional to you?

          1. We realize most of our kids can not communicate in a way that is functional to most people. Our job is to teach them. A lot of my kids do try to run away or become aggressive when they feel overwhelmed. That is why a lot of them end up getting sent home from school daily or end up in seclusion rooms in the schools. We look for their precursor behaviors and teach them (based on their ability) to use a break PEC Or ask for a break BEFORE they escalate so they learn to express their needs rather than becoming aggressive or running away. I don’t feel that it is fair to the kids that they get to a point where they feel like they need to run away or become aggressive because they haven’t been given the tools to communicate. If they can’t communicate they can’t advocate for themselves!

          2. Well, in social settings, if you don’t want something or want something you can’t have are you banging your head on the wall or biting a person? Because that’s what my clients do to gain access to the items and activities they want. Using contingencies, I try to emphasize that when my client points to an item I can get it for them. I think the pointing sounds a lot more functional than banging your head.

          3. You make me bang my head against the wall, too. I don’t blame the poor kid.

      3. I am in no way trying to be argumentative, but you need to do more research. I am a BCBA and have worked in private, home and public school settings. When a student/child is having a hard time, the main goal is to figure out why and how we can get them to communicate his/her needs so we can help them. There’s a ton of research on “functional communication training”, which is an ABA method. I also have recently used “behavior skills training” to teach a student who was making sexualized, inappropriate comments to another student in school to take a break, or write down his thoughts in a journal because the school kept giving him detentions. After a few sessions of behavior skills training, he hasn’t had any detentions and has been able to use the skills we practiced when he sees this particular peer.

        ABA goes well beyond discrete trial training. I urge everyone that reads and agrees with this article to please do more research and see the other side.

      4. Those examples are ABA. I have seen them used in the field..

        Therapy should be challenging and encourage a child out of their comfort zone, but if they’re very upset more often than not, that may be a sign that it’s not working out for them.

        Many therapists practice a different form of therapy or a very heavily modified version of traditional ABA. If you’re seeing warning signs with your current therapist, I strongly encourage you to look for another ABA therapist who utilizes better, more respectful methods of teaching your child.

        Bottom line is, not all ABA is terrible, and you can find a good therapist who can get results while ensuring your child is respected.

        First of all, do your research. When “shopping” for a new therapist, ask around about their policy, values, beliefs, and practices. If it matches the damaging therapies I described above, make a U-turn and walk away.

        It’s also important to ensure the individual is certified to provide ABA (yes—scarily enough, there are individuals who practice it without having been properly certified!). Make sure they are currently documented as a BCBA or BCABA, are properly trained (i.e. have had 1,000 hours of hands-on training by an actual BCBA with no less than 5 years of experience in the field), and have evidence of their qualifications.

        Second of all, if you already have a therapist, do not be afraid to question them.

        Many people, have had the attitude, “They’re the professional, not me. They know what they’re doing and they know what’s best.” That’s not always the case, though. There are good and bad therapists out there.

        Third of all, you might consider watching out for some of these red flags:

        1. The therapist does not allow you to sit in on your child’s therapy session. It doesn’t matter what reason they cite—this is a huge warning sign!

        2. The therapist uses compliance to force the child to do something against his/her will.

        3. The therapist does not allow breaks even when the child is visibly distressed

        4. Your child is visibly distressed; if they are frequently crying, screaming, trying to escape, flopping on the floor, going limp, or showing other signs of fear or anxiety, that’s a bad sign.

        5. The therapist insists on “normality” rather than focusing on life skills or coping skills—for example, forcing eye contact and prohibiting or punishing non-harmful stimming. Many adults with autism cite the phrases “quiet hands” and “table-ready hands” as triggering, so that’s definitely something to watch out for.

        6. The therapist does not respect your child’s communication unless if it is verbal. They ignore, disregard, or belittle nonverbal communication.

        7. The therapist focuses more on the negatives of your child’s behavior than s/he does the positives

        8. The therapist does not listen to your child and respect their wishes, whether communicated verbally or nonverbally

        9. Have your child’s best interests at heart—not society’s

        10. Give your child breaks to calm/cool down, especially when distressed

        11. Set boundaries on physical touching—they don’t touch your child without their consent

        12. Accept all forms of communication—verbal and nonverbal—and listen to both

        13. See behavior as a form of communication and try to work out what your child is saying through it

        14. Don’t force your child to do something distressing

        15. Don’t punish when your child shows a distress signal (i.e. stims)

        16. Allow your child time to process a request or task rather than expecting it right away

        1. WHY should we be forced out of our comfort zone????? This sounds like ill-treatment to me.
          Surely we should be helped to expand out comfort zones??

    4. The article has been interesting to read, and it has been very insightful. You point out a lot of important problematic aspects to ABA. This includes reducing/total removal of stim behaviors, lack of autonomy/self determination, over reliance on compliance, and lack of acknowledgement and appropriate response to needs. I do have to say that ABA is a very broad discipline with a variety of practitioners at varying levels of training and philosophy. I think, as you have pointed out, that a major problem is a lack of underlying philosophy in rights and individual understanding in addressing behavior. The fact of the matter is that we have to work behaviorally with all students, and we will always have to work behaviorally with students. Unfortunately, people using ABA use a lack of ethical philosophy in its underpinnings as a way to produce ends to make people comply and appear “normal”. As a result, individuals with ASD and other developmental disabilities get too intense and inappropriate use of intervention. As a result, we should maintain behavioral science but perhaps scrap ABA (at least as it is currently). Every good discipline has a good base theory. ABA currently does not consider an individual’s rights and needs as extensively as it should.

      Currently, I am training to be a school psychologist, and I have worked with children with ASD and other developmental disabilities for the past six years. At first reading this article, I was defensive. I have used ABA (or at least I thought I have) with success. Here’s another problem: ABA has such a broad definition that it covers a wide domain. I was actually using a form of ABA called Positive Behavior Support (PBS). This was developed in the 80s, and it has some major key differences. First, it has a strong human rights and individual needs philosophy. It is the core. That is a huge part missing from traditional ABA, and practitioners weasel their way around it. PBS does not allow this. All aspects of the individual must be considered and understood. All behavior has a function (reason), and we must truly understand the reason for that behavior. This includes biological, cognitive, social reasons for behavior. This means that within the ethics that stim behaviors cannot be removed, since stim behavior is used as a self-soothing biological mechanism. In PBS, these behaviors are often left alone, whereas ABA would seek to remove it to make individuals appear neurotypical. I do have to say that PBS may address these behaviors if they negatively affect someone’s functioning. For example, if someone were to flap their hands all day, then that is not conducive in a job or school setting. ABA would further see this as a problem and remove it. A PBS approach may be to encourage the individual to conduct the behavior at a certain time/place, maybe flap with one hand while working, or perhaps take breaks to stim in between work. It is more ch more adaptable and choice based.

      Another hallmark to PBS is choice and autonomy. During work, teachers teach students to ask for help, ask for breaks, and select their own rewards and provide choices. Again, we have to work behaviorally with children. That’s just a reality. It’s how we approach it and value children in the process. Now, there will be sometimes where behaviors will have to be eliminated. This is where core parts of ABA and behavioral principles come in play. Behaviors should be addressed that involve self injury, injury or rights violation of other individuals, feeding issues, or behaviors severely affecting ability to function at their academic or work level. This is where functional behavior analysis (FBA) comes into play. If someone has done ABA without doing an FBA, I would consider looking into that for legal reasons. All ABA practices (especially intensive) must have a clear understanding of the behavior before applying an intervention. An FBA involves taking baseline data, gathering information, determining the intensity of the behavior, determine the cause, and identifying appropriate interventions. In PBS, everything is similar to ABA, but the difference is in intervention.

      In ABA, often the goal is just to stop the problem behavior. PBS, builds skills and regulatory systems in individuals to cope and advocate for themselves. Additionally, PBS offers supports and environmental modifications. For example, I worked with a student who would bite herself. After performing an FBA, we found that the computer in the classroom was giving off a high-pitched sound, which frequently annoyed her. After too long exposure, she would be annoyed and bite herself. In traditional ABA, a practitioner would sit down with her and perhaps have the the computer blaring in the background. The practitioner would see that the child is getting annoyed. He would then give the child a gummy for working hard and focusing on the work. He would continue. The child’s needs were not met. The computer is annoying her. She just complied. Now let’s talk about what we actually did using PBS. We would be working in the room. Sometimes the computer would be on and sometimes it would be off. It’s a school, so it was usually periodic. The student was annoyed after the computer was on. We taught her to raise her hand and ask for help. Yes, we would give her a gummy for raising her hand because it was an appropriate replacement behavior compared to biting her arm. After she raised her hand, we would ask her what she needed. She would either point to her ears, computer, or say “ears hurt”. We would then offer her some options depending on what we could do in the moment. We could work in another room, turn off the computer, take a break, or wear headphones. She usually picked headphones, and she would successfully and happily finish her work. PBS also offers prevention. We could anticipate her needs by turning off the computer, placing head phones readily next to her, or even beginning the lesson outside the room. Even better, she was able to generalize the skill. Another student was annoying her, and she was able to raise her hand and ask for help. This is some life long self advocacy in the making. PBS also gives emotional work and strategies. It advocates for students to communicate needs and feelings.

      It is awful in traditional ABA that we would force students to comply and be uncomfortable. Yes, it produces outcomes, but it violates some serious human rights. I need to stress again that we cannot remove behavioral work. It’s how we engage and work with all students, especially in early youth. What we can change is the approach, target behaviors, and underlying philosophy. I think PBS in it’s current standing is a good model for addressing individual and systemic needs of students. There’s so much more to say, and I’m sure that I haven’t covered all the areas. I will attach some links. Please ask questions. Give me concerns. I would love to hear some perspectives.


      Underlying philosophy of PBS with a video. It discuss ABA’s connection. Just know that the science of ABA is sound, but it’s application is horrible and unethical. PBS aims to alter this.


      This provides an overview with a case example. In the case example, you will see clear causes and descriptions of behavior. Instead of an ABA approach with just elimination of behaviors, it provides a continuum of support. This includes prevention, skills development, and a plan for when the behavior has been reached. In each phase, the child is given options and skill building opportunities.


      This link is an introduction of autism and PBS. It shows the use of modifications and accommodations to bring about academic performance.


      Autism and PBS


      1. “Stimming” should be accepted the exception being if it is self-destructive. If it is disturbing others them let the child leave that environment.

    5. I totally understand. In my son’s case, school seemed to be a place of constant torment by people who were clueless about his condition.

    6. This is a great question. Does he have short breaks built into his day? This can be part of his 504 accommodations or IEP. If he doesn’t have one, please request this immediately. Accommodations are a right granted by law, anything that can help him be successful in education. Our school had a sensory room kids could use and other ways to take a break. Usually it’s 5 minutes or so with a calming tool like a stuffed animal, iPad games, a rocking chair or exercise ball, or reading. Whatever he needs to release the stress. Sometimes it’s even just a drink of water and a walk to the office.

      Check out this group. Their website is great and you can call and talk to one of the owners for more information or advice. They are great at advocacy and thinking outside the box for kids with autism and different abilities. http://www.cfc-stl.com They are located near St. Louis, but can always work with you through email or phone.

      For playing with friends, just keep teaching him to recognize the signs of stress or even ask to shorten his recess time if it happens regularly. He should start to self-regulate better as he matures; I noticed my son did as he grew older. He also used to bite and hit when frustrated. Perhaps he needs a 10 minute time on the playground, then 10 minutes in a quiet space, rather than the full 20 minutes outside? You could also ask for an older “buddy” who could help distract him when he notices the stress building. Older kids can be great at this, as they love to feel important and helpful.

    7. Alternatives to ABA are relationship-based developmental approaches that follow the child’s lead. Either therapist directed – DLT/Floortime, SCERTS, Early Denver Model or parent directed – Relationship Developmental Intervention & SonRise Program. I prefer the parent-directed programs because then the parents are empowered to develop a strong relationship with their child and can incorporate lifestyle approaches throughout their day to maximize their child’s learning and comfort.

    8. Circle time, music therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy. Help the child to cope with a NT world. Don’t make them be more NT.

    9. There are other options. Floortime is a play-based method. PLAY Project uses floortime and now is evidence based as well. Much better! Check is out.

  10. I am non-autistic mother of an autistic boy and I have always hated ABA. When I first heard about it I was horrified. It is brainwashing. as you explained, it doesn’t help the child to learn about his anxieties and how to cope with them, it is just forcing them to conform to Neurotypical behaviour and ingnoring their needs and emotions. It is based on operant conditioning. It’s the same method as training dogs.

    1. Actually, modern dog training is much more advanced, better and kinder than ABA – this blog has another great article about that, which I warmly recommend! (I’m studying dog training/behaviour myself and am on the spectrum, so I love that article). Operant conditioning is the way we all learn skills, whatever the setup is, and classical conditioning is the other “leg” of the learning process, and always at work in any situation – whether or not anyone pays attention to it. Classical conditioning is an organisms emotional associations with any given situation/cue/set of cues, which determines their psycho/somatic state and mind state when exposed to the cues/situation.

      This is why a dog trainer worth their salt would never try to teach a dog that’s in a mental state of distress, and would always consider the dog’s mental state first, and adapt (abandon if needed) whatever the plan was – and this is why, if you replaced the ABA therapists in the videos with modern dog trainers, you would see a totally different approach, where finding out what the individual is comfortable with, what they like and dislike, what kind if setup works for them, and working within that frame would be the basis for any teaching. You would see the traditional ABA table & chairs setup gone in most cases, because the whole set-up isn’t based on the kids comfort but the therapists convenience, and encourage a form of communication that isn’t well suited for most autistic kids. If you consider classical conditioning then you *can’t* treat your learners the way the therapists in the videos treat the kids, because (besides the welfare concerns and ethics of the situation), this intrusive, compulsive setup (not to speak of, pushing on while some of the kids are in a state of intense stress, totally disregarding their feelings) will facilitate a “fight/flight/freeze” mind state that isn’t effective for learning.

      Drilled enough times, YES the desired results will likely be gained anyway sooner or later, but what are the side effects? My guess: learned helplessness, OCD, anxiety, depression and similar psychological problems. Also: learning happens much faster & more effectively when an individual isn’t in a “fight or flight” state of stress, or shut down. Hence (I’m guessing) why ABA therapy programs require so much time in order to work – around 40 hours per week I’ve heard, that’s an insane imposition on a toddler, especially for autistic kids … we need a lot of downtime to process & recover from social demands.

      To clarify, ABA as seen in the videos, is similar to traditional dog training (today typically advertised as “balanced” dog training) it focuses solely on compliance using operant conditioning, and largely overlooks classical conditioning/the emotionally associative aspect, and the psychological side effects that can come from that. Traditional dog training is still in business (to see an extreme version, there is Cesar Millan’s “The Dog Whisperer” TV show on National Geographic’s channel) albeit the modern dog training practices are gaining ground (almost) everywhere, so I can understand your impression

    2. ABA is NOT changing someone with autism to be neurotypical.

      The behavior being addressed are NOT forcing an autistic person such girls to love pink, knowing and using SAT words such as persnickety, plethora, or uncouth, girls having to wear only dresses and boys wear pants and ties, and being able to do mental math.

      Those are also common beliefs by some people in society that are required to do in order to function in society.

      All the things I listed are things I do not do or unable to do and do not want to change who i am as a person.

      The behaviors that are being addressed during ABA sessions are things that isolate a person with autism from or ANY people neurotypical or not.

      I’ve seen individuals with an IDD doing extremely disruptive SSBs such as a constant echolalia of screaming of words or sounds on the top of their lungs was actually upsetting my client that has autism. So should I allow my client to suffer and be upset because I do not want the other person with an IDD to conform to a neurotypical behavior?

      Autistic people have sensory sensitivity as everyone reading this knows. There are numerous times where their SSBs annoyed and upset each other. The only one performing the SSB has a valid reason for the behavior and all that needs to happen is to channel the need towards something that is compatible for everyone.

      I find it when any special needs, IDD, ASD, anything of that sort is interacting in a group and or closed setting with each other they get set off by each other’s SSBs and or problem behaviors. Doesn’t that also remind you of being forced to do projects with people you don’t like or agree with? Everyone has to deal with what’s going on and move forward.

      **Fun fact: EVERYONE HAS AND DOES SBB’s**

      Do you like bouncing your leg, twirling your hair; tapping your fingers or an object to make noise, or enjoy clicking a clicking pen over and over. Congratulations those are SSB’s 😀

      How does it feel when you do those behaviors? Soothing right? That’s how they feel too. ABA therapists are trained to replace their soothing behavior with another soothing behavior. NOT forcing any sort of conformity.

      Those are what are considered normal behaviors in society to an extent..

      Ex. My client with autism had an SSB where he takes off a bottle cap and taps it loudly over and over on his desk. So instead of completely eliminating the behavior (which is soothing as discussed before) she gave him a tactile object very similar to the cap and he was was able to tap the same force and speed as before BUT wasn’t disruptive to anyone. The switch was quick and he continued doing the SSB and just as happy as he was before but now he’s doing appropriate behavior where it opens up opportunities to interact with others in a positive way because everyone is comfortable with what’s happening.

      ABA also addresses self harming behavior.

      Ex. A child is hitting/scratching their eyes over and over a behavior therapist comes in and uses techniques to teach the child to speak up for themselves that the light is too bright and then find a solution. So is the alternative to let the child do that because we don’t want them to conform to a neurotypical behavior of not hitting their eyes repeatedly?

      A really problem behavior I dealt with was an individual with an IDD whom would ask everyone over and over every few seconds during movies, quiet time, dances “Who is your best friend?” And if you didn’t answer “you” she would ask if you if you both could be best friends but still continue to ask “who is your best friend?” And couldn’t have any other conversation than that. Her friends with autism IDDs etc. would tell me that they have to avoid her because she drives them up the wall. Or a nonverbal client that’s always open to conversation and having people in her space being so overwhelmed where she ended up pushing and yelling at that person. Then gesturing to her ear and making negative eye contact with that person.

      I apologize from the bottom of my heart but this article contains cherry picked, false, and outdated information. I encourage people to do their own research but at the same it’s still important to hear and understand a person with autism’s experience and opinions on ABA such as this author.

  11. I’m a 35 year old male, my Bluetooth headphones are what gets me through a shopping trip these days. What that girl went through looked like a nightmare!

  12. As a non-autistic mother with two non-autistic children, this looks horrible. I would have been terrified if someone would treat me like in the first video, using cartoonish gestures, the yelling, invading my space while forcing me to do silly tasks. Are the tickles supposed to be a reward? They did not seem to be welcomed by the child. I do not like to be touched by people outside my “inner circle”, and as an adult I have the option to leave if the situation is getting awkward or uncomfortable.
    I really felt the stress from the shopping-video as well. Going to a big mall often leaves me mentally exhausted for hours afterwards. If the kids are with me even more so, and at the worst when I start to feel overwhelmed I have felt this extreme need to just get out, right now, I am done and never mind we did not get all we need but I cant stay for a second longer. It just have to feel so much worse for somebody on the spectrum.

    1. That’s how I felt about the videos too. I’m an adult on the spectrum and don’t have kids, but I also thought this kind if treatment would be aversive to almost any kid (and adult) – that any sensible person should be able to see that it isn’t OK to treat kids (or anyone) like that.. and the fact that the kids are autistic just makes it even worse, because autistic kids are not exactly MORE tolerant to being invaded, touched, starred at, yelled at, constantly overwhelmed with pointless tasks, not be given enough rest and free time (40 hours of this torture every week!!!) etc

  13. Eileen, a lot of so called ABA therapists don’t actually do ABA or do very mixed things rather than pure ABA. This is because insurance pays for ABA and not other therapies. You’d think this would be good, but the thing is that it leaves parents unable to distinguish, and it means many parents think ABA is something different than it is and thus they become vocal defenders. If the therapist is using mixed methods then you don’t know when the therapist will bring that kind of behaviorism to a behavior they just don’t like. Coping skills are not a behaviorist goal, but changing behavior so that lack of coping is disguised is.

  14. I am very grateful to you for sharing this article from your perspective as an adult with autism. I am a speech therapist working in public schools for 30 years. I use a combination of ABA, Direct intervention, social skills training and other strategies to help my students connect more with people in their environment and to develop learning readiness skills and functional academics. All of the work I do with my students starts with building trust and helping them to feel safe. I look for cues from their facial expressions, body postures, etc to assess what might be driving a “behavior” and help them through it. I believe that with that type of connection, some ABA is involved and some discrete trial teaching of particular skills is required. Applied Behavioral Analysis means looking at something that is happening and analyzing why it’s happening – what function it serves for the child, if something deeper is going on, etc. ABA itself is not harmful, in my opinion, unless it’s all cut and dry protocols all the time and the child’s emotionality is not considered. Sadly, I recognize that this can often happen. The other piece of this is, in addition to helping my students feel safe and loved, my goal is to help them assimilate into society when needed and to learn to deal with challenges and stressors in as positive a way as possible because their parents won’t always be there and they won’t always have the benefit of being surrounded by people who are patient and are looking out for them with understanding. My one third-grader is this really funny, sassy joyful girl who loves fashion. She is a frequent flapper and shared that she does it when she is happy, thinks something is funny, is thinking about something she really enjoys. We talk about the fact that it’s okay to flap, but she can try to remember to flap her hands under the desk or more to her side because it is distracting to others and hard for them to concentrate on what she is saying. We’re not trying to change who she is. We are trying to help her find ways to adapt so that she is still honoring who she is, but in a way that is more well-received by her neuro-typical peers. We all have a “face” we show to our friends, our peers, our family, our boss, and society in general. For me personally and the professionals i work with at my school, that is what we are after for out students. Not changing who they are.

    1. As the dog training article that The Aspergian also recently published points out, behaviourism itself is not always bad and can be useful. The problems show up when the goals of the behaviourist do not take into consideration the feelings of the student. And very very very often autistic people are misunderstood and are taught things which SEEM helpful but are ultimately harmful.

    2. But you are changing who she is. Whether you realize it or not. You’re telling her that flapping -is- something to be ashamed of every time you tell her to do less of it/hide it so that she will be “more well-received” by her allistic peers. Why do they need to “receive” it better? What is preventing them from adapting? Why are they unable to learn to listen and concentrate when people are moving? How many things do you think this child deals with on a daily basis that are distracting to her and make it hard to concentrate? How many times do you make NTs change for her? Or are the things that are hard for her considered ‘no big deal’ because they are ‘small distractions’ to you, so they should be for her too?

      This child is full of joy, and expressing it in the most freeing way for her. She is -happy- and you are teaching her to hide that emotion; that full unfiltered chest-filling joy. The movement that tells someone how she feels, what she’s experiencing. The movement that allows her to connect. The movement that helps her process her feelings to fullest. The movement that is an intrinsically woven into fully feeling that emotion. You’re taking something away from her, in order to make things even -easier- than they already are for the allistics. You are telling her that her happiness is not as important as theirs.

      Imagine that every time you were happy, truly happy, truly joyful, truly enjoying something, I came over and pulled on your hair. Not a quick yank and it’s over, just pulling so that it hurts and you can’t ignore the dull ache. I’m not preventing you from feeling happy completely. But it’s not the same any more, because you are distracted by something, you are hurting, you are focused partially on your hair and being uncomfortable, and partially on what’s joyful. I’ve changed the emotion for you and weakened it. Eventually that spot on your head will become numb, you’ll learn to compartmentalize, you’ll adapt. But the pain hasn’t gone away, and your way of feeling this emotion has been changed. You’ll forget that old feeling- the true one. You’ll wonder what people mean when they talk about how -they- feel the emotion. You’ll wonder why it is that you don’t feel it like that, what’s wrong with you? Why don’t you get to have that same experience that others seem to have?

      Hopefully one day she will be in a place where she is able to realize that her happiness is just as important as everyone else’s. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll realize that who she is is okay, that flapping is okay, that there was a time when joy and happiness were real feelings that she experienced, and ones that she deserves to experience again, in their purest form.

  15. I am a BCBA and this article is very confusing to me. I am wondering if some people are having different experiences with ABA therapy. I actually teach my clients to request their headphones if it’s too loud, their compression vest if they need sensory input, breaks from work if they feel tired. Everything we do is revolves around teaching the kids to advocate for themselves and communicate their wants and needs. We work on understanding and expressing emotions and our therapists validate how the kids fee and work on what the kids can do if they are feeling that way. Some of the kids I work with were being kicked out of school daily for becoming aggressive until we worked with them on requesting the things they needed to be okay. I don’t understand how this is abuse? I would love to hear from some of the people on this page who do have autism about their experience and what made it feel abusive because that is not the goal of ABA.

    1. I wonder too because my experience with ABA is amazing! Our family is less stressful from meltdowns and going on vacations.

      1. Parents do love ABA because it eliminates challenging behaviour. But if your child’s ABA involved decreasing repetitive behaviours, teaching eye contact, grabbing hands and putting them in the child’s lap, ignoring crying/distress… then your child was being abused into behaving.

        1. If you look up ABA and coping skills you’ll find a lot of information on coping skills and Autism. I pasted just one that I found very interesting that talks about the correlation between Autism and anxiety. I am so sorry it seems like you had an awful experience with ABA but a few videos on Discrete Trials is not a fair representation of what ABA is as a whole.


          1. Tiffany, I looked through that presentation and read most of it. While I agree with what I read, I didn’t see the term ABA or any terms that are specific to ABA. I saw, maybe, some similarity to DBT or CBT. What is your definition of ABA?

          2. ABA is Applied Behavior Analysis. This means we analyze the function of someone’s behavior and create an individualized plan to address the behavior. For example, if I have a client who is screaming, crying and becoming aggressive every time he/she has to sit down for math class, I am going to analyze why he/she is acting that way. Is the work too difficult? Are they becoming sensory overloaded with the number of questions on the page? Is the math classroom too loud? Based off the function, a behavior analyst would create a behavior intervention plan. A lot of us use visuals for emotions like a feelings scale or something similar and then teach replacement behaviors like asking for help or a break. Instead of screaming and ripping your page, using a break card or requesting help. ABA is simply the analysis of behavior and creating a plan to teach more appropriate behaviors. I am interested to know what some people think ABA is because many people on here seem to have a very narrow perspective of what we do.

          3. I understand that that’s how you define ABA, but can you explain why you are linking that presentation that doesn’t refer to ABA, as an example of ABA–but you don’t agree with the author using these self-identified ABA videos to talk about ABA?

            I believe that there are self-identified ABA providers who don’t do abusive things, but I also know that many do. I’ve seen these things in an ABA school myself, and I know other people who have experienced and seen these things, either as a provider or a client. Even though it’s great that some providers/programs are not abusive, it’s a big problem that others are abusive and that this is normalized. Since the post is about analyzing these specific videos and pointing out how they are abusive, wouldn’t it make more sense to respond to that content in your comments, instead of just saying that this isn’t what you do in your work, as if that would make these videos and these children’s experiences cease to exist?

            In your comments, you seem focused on the idea that people might think all ABA is abusive, or all ABA is DTT, and it seems like this bothers you more than the fact that abuse is a problem in the ABA world. In fact, while you assert that you don’t do these things in your work, I haven’t seen you actually acknowledge, “Yes, what’s happening in these videos is wrong,” or, “Yes, there are some terrible things going on under the name ABA, but–”

            Doesn’t it bother you that these things happen?

            You’re annoyed that people might think these videos represent ABA, but let’s say this type of thing represented only, say, 20% of ABA practice–that would be a huge amount of abuse, and a huge problem.

            What’s going on that you don’t have a reaction to the abuse discussed in this post, and are more concerned with defending your field?

    2. I often see comments like this from ABA providers on posts criticizing ABA. But you’re not really engaging with the original post.

      The author is analyzing and describing the specific things that happen in the videos, which are pretty common and normalized in the ABA community. The fact that they’re normalized can be seen from the mere fact that these are all posted as educational and training videos! The people who made/posted these videos didn’t feel any guilt or shame about the content. They thought it reflected positively on their work.

      You can’t deny what’s happening in the videos. The author explained why they think these specific techniques, that happen in the videos, are abusive. If you don’t agree with that, you could say why you disagree–but you haven’t.

      You are just saying that this isn’t what you do in your work, and other people’s experience of ABA must be different from yours. This may be true, and it’s good that you don’t perpetrate this type of abuse, but it isn’t really a counter to the author’s points.

      To put it another way, say the original post is someone pointing out problems with public transit in their city. The buses are always late, fights break out on the bus, there are never enough seats. The author has videos and articles to support this. Then you comment and say, “But I’m a bus driver in your city. I’m always on time, my bus isn’t crowded, and everyone is polite. I don’t understand your post–how can you say that my bus is crowded and late, when it isn’t?” Even though your bus may be an exception, that doesn’t mean the original post is wrong, especially when they have many examples of there being a widespread problem.

  16. This article has been “eye opening” for me. We just found out in July that our 12-year-old AD is on the spectrum. ABA has been suggested but has never felt right to me. Our local school district doesn’t even recognize her diagnosis. They do their own “educational diagnosis”.
    No one talks about helping her cope. It’s more about getting her to conform.
    This has given me a direction in this journey. It’s not about behavior as much as it is about coping.
    I get that now. Just need to figure out how and what to implement that will help her and not be overwhelming.
    We have trouble going out to eat, going on vacation, shopping or even going on the walking trail. She just can’t seem to control herself.
    I don’t know if different voices, pacing, laughing oddly or talking loudly are her way of stemming but are things she does a lot.
    We have a lot of learning to do!

    1. Please don’t allow the videos above to deter you from researching more on ABA therapy. ABA focuses a lot on coping skills and functional communication. I am posting a link below. ABA therapists teach about emotions and understanding how you are feeling and learning appropriate ways to handle it and ask for help. The videos above focus on discrete trials. Typically, older children don’t even use this type of trial. They focus more on life skills and independent living!


  17. I think everyone has there own opinions on ABA. I haven’t seen any abuse or inappropriate behaviors as yet in two years of his services. My child doesn’t kick, bite, or hit because of ABA. He is using his words and taking breaks on his own. I love intercare therapy. They definitely help!

  18. Love the article and feel ABA Therapy is recognizing the emotional needs of a child. I am a speech language pathologist and work with students on the spectrum.

  19. What a clear and brave piece for you to have written. THANK YOU. It took me one day to realize that ABA was something I would never subject my young autist daughter to. I have shared your article to a large forum I am a member of and expect all kinds of backlash for it – but that is OK! This needs to be talked about throughout the entire autism community and by society at large.
    Thank you also for your very well thought out responses to all who have commented.

  20. It seems to me that lack of concern for how someone feels is a cultural phenomenon not reserved for poorly practiced ABA or for autistic children, but for many, many children, women, people of color, or anyone at all, really. All of us are not far from the time of “children should be seen and not heard.” My parents ignored me or rejected me for negative emotions, and most of the kids I knew were raised similarly. I see neurotypical parents do some version of this to their nerotypical children daily in the present. I’m not saying it’s right. It is systemic, however, and a very real part of our everyday world.

  21. The first and most obvious thing I see in this videos is this horribly artificial, high pitched voice of the instructors as well as their exxagereted praise (“well done!!!” “good job!!!).

    Who would ever consider this an appropriate way to communicate with human beings? Would you ever talk like that to adults? Family? Friends? Colleagues? Neurotypical children? Even if you are showing/ teaching them something? They would probably think you have gone mad….

    Just the way these instructors talk show how they don’t accept autistic children as valuable others.

    1. Personally whenever I was/am spoken to that way or I see other autistic teenagers like me I get resentful real fast. Talking to me with the high voice is the BEST way to earn my hatred, it’s awful. I’m not 3!

      1. Exactly, Jack! Thank you for visiting our site. I always wonder if we ever get any teens coming through. <3

  22. I wanted to add, for everyone talking about the floor time approach, ABA uses that as well. We call it Natural Environment Teaching 🙂 please do more research before bashing an entire field of work!

    1. Tiffany, I would like your comment on the ABA methods showed in the ABA training videos that are part of the article: do you think these type of trials are acceptable teaching methods for autistic kids? Do you think the way they are carried out in the videos are acceptable?

      The author and most people who’ve commented, have expressed that they find the ABA therapy methods shown in the videos abusive to the kids, do you agree with that? Why/why not? (if possible, please give specific examples from the videos)

  23. Hi. I’m a high functioning 28 year old on the spectrum and I feel like my blog will resonate with you. I can really relate to the brainwashing you talk about, so thank you for writing this blog entry. If you’re interested, here are one of my entries that you can start with: https://iamthemike.wordpress.com/2018/09/03/opinion-the-treatment-of-autism-seems-to-focus-on-making-non-autistic-people-feel-comfortable-around-autism-rather-than-making-the-the-person-with-autism-feel-comfortable/

  24. I really appreciate this article! Thank you for doing the hard work of educating allistic people like me, who are eager to learn. I’m pleased to say that I was able to notice some odd things in the videos (the folding of the hands, the almost constant physical touching, the idea that the girl in the supermarket is “acting out” willfully rather than in an attempt to communicate that she’s tired and needs a break) before reading your analysis and explanation, thanks largely to the education and sharing of experiences that one of my autistic friends has generously given me. But this article and your explanations are awesomely articulate and make it easy to see and understand some of the problems with ABA. I will definitely be recommending it as a way for people to learn from the autistic community, rather than from allistic narratives.

    1. The article has been interesting to read, and it has been very insightful. You point out a lot of important problematic aspects to ABA. This includes reducing/total removal of stim behaviors, lack of autonomy/self determination, over reliance on compliance, and lack of acknowledgement and appropriate response to needs. I do have to say that ABA is a very broad discipline with a variety of practitioners at varying levels of training and philosophy. I think, as you have pointed out, that a major problem is a lack of underlying philosophy in rights and individual understanding in addressing behavior. The fact of the matter is that we have to work behaviorally with all students, and we will always have to work behaviorally with students. Unfortunately, people using ABA use a lack of ethical philosophy in its underpinnings as a way to produce ends to make people comply and appear “normal”. As a result, individuals with ASD and other developmental disabilities get too intense and inappropriate use of intervention.

      As a result, we should maintain behavioral science but perhaps scrap ABA (at least as it is currently). Every good discipline has a good base theory. ABA currently does not consider an individual’s rights and needs as extensively as it should. Currently, I am training to be a school psychologist, and I have worked with children with ASD and other developmental disabilities for the past six years. At first reading this article, I was defensive. I have used ABA (or at least I thought I have) with success. Here’s another problem: ABA has such a broad definition that it covers a wide domain. I was actually using a form of ABA called Positive Behavior Support (PBS). This was developed in the 80s, and it has some major key differences. First, it has a strong human rights and individual needs philosophy. It is the core. That is a huge part missing from traditional ABA, and practitioners weasel their way around it. PBS does not allow this. All aspects of the individual must be considered and understood. All behavior has a function (reason), and we must truly understand the reason for that behavior. This includes biological, cognitive, social reasons for behavior. This means that within the ethics that stim behaviors cannot be removed, since stim behavior is used as a self-soothing biological mechanism. In PBS, these behaviors are often left alone, whereas ABA would seek to remove it to make individuals appear neurotypical.

      I do have to say that PBS may address these behaviors if they negatively affect someone’s functioning. For example, if someone were to flap their hands all day, then that is not conducive in a job or school setting. ABA would further see this as a problem and remove it. A PBS approach may be to encourage the individual to conduct the behavior at a certain time/place, maybe flap with one hand while working, or perhaps take breaks to stim in between work. Another hallmark to PBS is choice and autonomy. During work, teachers teach students to ask for help, ask for breaks, and select their own rewards and provide choices. Again, we have to work behaviorally with children. That’s just a reality. It’s how we approach it and value children in the process. Now, there will be sometimes where behaviors will have to be eliminated. This is where core parts of ABA and behavioral principles come in play. Behaviors should be addressed that involve self injury, injury or rights violation of other individuals, feeding issues, or behaviors severely affecting ability to function at their academic or work level. This is where functional behavior analysis (FBA) comes into play. If someone has done ABA without doing an FBA, I would consider looking into that for legal reasons. All ABA practices (especially intensive) must have a clear understanding of the behavior before applying an intervention. An FBA involves taking baseline data, gathering information, determining the intensity of the behavior, determine the cause, and identifying appropriate interventions. In PBS, everything is similar to ABA, but the difference is in intervention. In ABA, often the goal is just to stop the problem behavior. PBS, builds skills and regulatory systems in individuals to cope and advocate for themselves.

      Additionally, PBS offers supports and environmental modifications. For example, I worked with a student who would bite herself. After performing an FBA, we found that the computer in the classroom was giving off a high-pitched sound, which frequently annoyed her. After too long exposure, she would be annoyed and bite herself. In traditional ABA, a practitioner would sit down with her and perhaps have the the computer blaring in the background. The practitioner would see that the child is getting annoyed. He would then give the child a gummy for working hard and focusing on the work. He would continue. The child’s needs were not met. The computer is annoying her. She just complied. Now let’s talk about what we actually did using PBS. We would be working in the room. Sometimes the computer would be on and sometimes it would be off. It’s a school, so it was usually periodic. The student was annoyed after the computer was on. We taught her to raise her hand and ask for help. Yes, we would give her a gummy for raising her hand because it was an appropriate replacement behavior compared to biting her arm. After she raised her hand, we would ask her what she needed. She would either point to her ears, computer, or say “ears hurt”. We would then offer her some options depending on what we could do in the moment. We could work in another room, turn off the computer, take a break, or wear headphones. She usually picked headphones, and she would successfully and happily finish her work. PBS also offers prevention. We could anticipate her needs by turning off the computer, placing head phones readily next to her, or even beginning the lesson outside the room. Even better, she was able to generalize the skill. Another student was annoying her, and she was able to raise her hand and ask for help. This is some life long self advocacy in the making. PBS also gives emotional work and strategies. It advocates for students to communicate needs and feelings.

      It is awful in traditional ABA that we would force students to comply and be uncomfortable. Yes, it produces outcomes, but it violates some serious human rights. I need to stress again that we cannot remove behavioral work. It’s how we engage and work with all students, especially in early youth. What we can change is the approach, target behaviors, and underlying philosophy. I think PBS in it’s current standing is a good model for addressing individual and systemic needs of students. There’s so much more to say, and I’m sure that I haven’t covered all the areas. I will attach some links. Please ask questions. Give me concerns. I would love to hear some perspectives.

      Underlying philosophy of PBS with a video. It discuss ABA’s connection. Just know that the science of ABA is sound, but it’s application is horrible and unethical. PBS aims to alter this.


      This provides an overview with a case example. In the case example, you will see clear causes and descriptions of behavior. Instead of an ABA approach with just elimination of behaviors, it provides a continuum of support. This includes prevention, skills development, and a plan for when the behavior has been reached. In each phase, the child is given options and skill building opportunities.


      This link is an introduction of autism and PBS. It shows the use of modifications and accommodations to bring about academic performance.


      Autism and PBS


  25. My four year old, non-verbal son just started his ABA training about a month ago. I can say that the instructor we were seeing did not act this way. His father and I are present for all of the training and we give input. In the videos where they gave the difference between the good trainers and the bad ones, I honestly saw no difference. The trainer that comes does not act that way other than use the louder voice, which she doesn’t do too much before we told her that our son is not used to that and might not be responsive, so she adjusted how she talks to him while explaining that being loud is how she is supposed to be and has to use that positive applause that serves as a reinforcement. We told her our son is shy and doesn’t like to have so much attention placed on him, so she adjusted how she deals with him. I know my son is doing better because he has started to do a lot of the things he has learned on his own without us asking him too much…basically no different than when I used to tell his older siblings to do something, like pick up their toys. Kids, in general, do not like to pick up their toys. Just because I tell him to doesn’t mean I am abusing him. I can tell my son really likes his trainer too because he has gone to her, sat in her lap, and hugged her without being prompted or told to do it. He never acts this way with anyone unless he likes them.

  26. Interesting and one sided, clearly only focusing on old school aba approaches. New and growing research and interventions discount all the concerns, including the iisca by Hanley, and growth in the use of acceptance and commitment theory, naturalistic teaching models, etc. Addressing specifically the stimming, do you recommend allowing stimming when it is pervasive all day long and disruptive to skills such as completing a toilet routine or any learning activities. Because most bcba’s I worked with dont believe in disrupting stimming unless it prevents learning. I will grant that there are some implementations of ABA that are abusive. But this doesnt acknowledge all the ways the field has grown, specifically in addressing the concerns you mentioned. Just saying.

    1. What on Earth does IISCA have to do with my concerns raised in this article?

      It’s a form of functional behaviour analysis. Nowhere in my reading on IISCA did I see things like “do not ask autistic children to make eye contact” or “do not try to extinguish repetitive behaviours unless they are self-harming”.

      As for “old school”, all I can say is the majority of these videos are from 2017. If ABA had a big revolution last year wherein it changed its mandates and no longer tries to reinforce children for acting like neurotypical children, then I haven’t seen that written anywhere.

    2. Also “one sided” – Yeah. The autistic side. Doesn’t the point of view of autistic people matter most when discussing what therapy helps autistic people? It doesn’t look abusive to you. It feels abusive to us. Please listen.

      1. This is an article of the viewpoint of ONE individual with autism. I’m not too comfortable with over generalizing your views as an individual with autism to my client who is a totally different individual with autism. I certainly don’t go around saying that Client A feels one way about this ABA so Client B must feel that way about ABA; two different individuals much like how I am different from the person next to me.

        1. No, these are the views of almost every autistic adult. Nobody is asking about your comfort, Karen. We’re telling you the facts because autistic suicide is a global crisis and this obedience training is a big factor in that.

  27. I apologize to all the parents out there that have to read and worry about all this misleading information. ABA is a science and far from being abusive. Please do your research before making incorrect statements. If you have any questions or concerns please refer to research based articles or ask licensed professionals.

    1. Hi, I am a psychology professional who also was an ABA certified and licensed specialist. Everything the author cited is accurate, scientifically-sound, and obviously thoroughly researched. Your neglect of actually citing or mentioning anything within the article renders your input on it nothing more than grandstanding and gaslighting, suppression of autistic adults, and ableism.

      Could you cite something from this article which is misleading? Are the training videos from the article not the ones used to train ABA practitioners? The article didn’t even mention that in the US, one only needs a GED or high school diploma to spend as much as 40 hours a week with an autistic child.

      1. Yes, actually. There are a lot of holes in this article and it is not factually sound at all. This is not to say you all don’t have a voice, you do, and I hear it. But you also don’t understand the science.

        In regards to the qualifications for an RBT, that’s true. But that’s not the science’s fault. Ask for stricter qualifications, harder exams, more experience and higher qualified professionals to perform the service. The science is perfect, humans are not. Don’t blame the science for the fault of center-based unethical analysts.


      What about the article is misleading? Hmm? Can you specifically cite claims I have made and explain why they do not feel abusive when you are autistic?

  28. LISTEN TO AUTISTIC VOICES. We are all saying it is abusive to us. Stop running over us with your abelist BS. It is invisible abuse because it is not obvious to non autistic persons. This was already addressed. And non autistic people that are commenting not to listen to us ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Just stop. If you want to support autistic people, your autistic child, etc., then just listen to what we have to say. It’s that simple.

    1. I am an SLP who used to do ABA therapy- about 8 years ago. I did almost exactly what the first therapist was doing with the girl at the table! Quiet hands. Do this. Great job!

      I don’t do this anymore.

      For anyone who is interested, I fully support other programs to help kiddos with Autism. The best program for families is RDI- relationship development intervention. This is a training specifically for the parents. This way the parents know what to do to make lasting changes!!

      The next one I recommend is Floortime. This has more variability than RDI, and similar to ABA, you have to be picky. I have met fantastic floortime therapists and others that are not.

      Finally, I like many aspects of Sonrise, but not all. I would say to read the book Autism Breakthrough and Autistic Logistics. The main aspect I don’t like is you are either doing the program right (their way exactly) or wrong. It also may make you feel like you against the world. I learned many amazing strategies from their program, but I would suggest trying the top two first!

      There are alternatives to ABA! And even ‘good’ ABA over focuses on saying ‘first-then’ or giving SDs in a robotic and uncaring way. Also, ABA doesn’t focus on the social connection whereas these above programs do!

      Hope this helps those who read!


      1. Thank you for coming around and learning with time! We appreciate and love therapists like you.

    2. I cringe when I hear the term “autistic.” These are kids WITH autism. Labeling anyone is not okay. I’m sick and tired of hearing kids calling other kids “autistic.” Many of my students feel bullied when they are called “autistic.”

      1. If they feel bullied when they are called autistic that means that the kids have been taught that it is BAD to be autistic. Have you considered that “autistic” is not an insult because there’s nothing wrong with autism? Do you talk about gifted children or children with gifts? Do you ever call kids creative or artistic or intelligent? If you don’t insist on saying “children with creativity” instead of “creative kids” or “children with art talent” instead of “artistic” or “children with high intelligence” instead of “intelligent” don’t give me BS about “labelling.”

        If you think “autistic” is an insult then go to hell.

        I am awesome. I am not awesome despite my autism. I am awesome in general and my autism is part of my awesomeness.

        Stop telling people that it is insulting to call ourselves autistic. What does that say about how you view autism? What are you telling us about autism when you say we insult ourselves by calling us that?

        1. Your response is for me to “go to hell” really? I am speaking for my students with autism. Did you not read my post? My students themselves are telling me how they feel when they are called “autistic.” Don’t shut them down. Everyone has the right to their own feelings.

          Shame on you for bullying me and my students. Telling me to “go to hell” is a form of bullying.

          I’ll keep working with my kids and I will keep giving them the respect they deserve. You are not representing them in any form.

          Make it a good day.

      2. Search #actuallyautistic on Twitter. In 2021, I hope you realize that most autistic people prefer to be called autistic people, not people with autism. The cringing you’re having is a you problem.

        1. Jennifer Hubbs – REALLY???? How many “Autistic” people do you know?? A Twitter site is not an accurately representative site.
          The Palgrave Handbook of Child Mental Health pp 252-271| Cite as

          Should Autism Be Classified as a Mental Illness/Disability? Evidence from Empirical Work

  29. It’s a shame to read this. It genuinely hurts my heart. Behavior analysis finds it’s philosophy in behaviorism, fathered by BF Skinner, not Lovaas. The philosphy states that behaviors are subject to natural selection, just like every other living thing on this planet. Behaviors like genes are selected by their environment. The behaviors that contact reinforcement will most likely continue to occur in the future.

    The science has unfortunately been placed in a box as the ONLY empirically-based effective therapy for individuals with developmental disabilities. That too, is a shame.

    ABA is not just therapy for an autistic child. It is the way humans learn, the way my typical 8yo son learns. It’s the way every living being learns. The science explains how learning works and what humans can do to increase learning, learn skills we are unable to learn and in turn decrease the occurrance of those behaviors that prevent us from learning and growing as an independent human in our society.

    It’s still a young science, so yes, it wasn’t that far off that we messed up, pretty badly might I add. That doesn’t negate the vast benefits we can gain from it. Also, all of the negatives you mentioned is actually ABA done INCORRECTLY AND UNETHICALLY. We are held to an extremely strict code of ethics that requires that we put the needs of our clients ahead of our own. That we treat 3 year olds like they are 3 years old. That we treat adults with the same autonomy as a typical adult would have. So yes, that means that we have to respect the choice of an autistic adult receiving services to have sex with random strangers. That means what we teach is safe sex, how to tell if you’re being raped, how to escape a rapist, how to get help, how to protect yourself etc.

    ABA is a young field. There are lots of us and most of us are really good at what we do. We care for our clients as if they were our own children. We love them and this science, because it’s a BCBA who taught a child to speak, who taught a mom to engage with her child in a way she couldn’t before. It’s a BCBA that was punched, kicked, bite, spat on, peed on, pooped on, stabbed etc. And we keep coming back for more. Because it’s not just a job for us. It’s not a paycheck. It’s the way we see the world and the people in it. This passion comes from the need to help save the world, not hurt it. We just want our friends with disabilities to no longer feel afraid of school, hurt when all their parents do is yell at them, understood when all they wanted was attention and loved when no peer would play with them.

    Learn a little more about exactly what our science is, and who we are as people before judging an entire field based off of your singular experience with an ABA therapist. Chances are, it was that one therapist that was wrong. Unfortunately, if funding sources allow for unqualified people to provide this service, these unethical practices will continue. Instead of complaining, ask for better qualifications, stricter applications, harder exams, more experience. The science is right, it’s up to us to make sure ABA therapists are doing it right.

    1. Daisy, please leave B. F. Skinner out of it.

      He discovered a teaching/training method called operant conditioning. It is very cool and fun and interesting. But if this ‘prompt’ part of the ‘discrete trials’ is indeed the standard way of going about it, you’re not really doing operant conditioning, you are doing ‘molding’ and the science that’s telling you ABA is so great also shows that molding is liable to be harmful and you should be ‘capturing’ and ‘shaping’ behaviors.

      tl/dr: Stop touching the learner and pushing them or their hands around, that screws up the process badly.

      (Your dog probably hates it too and is so distracted wondering why you’re grabbing him and pushing on his butt that it’s gonna take him extra long to figure out what you’re on about.)

      1. Skinner did NOT disc over a teaching/training method. He research Operant Conditioning. Full Stop. His work is OK as far as it goes, but has been completely misunderstood by most people who bring his name into discussions.
        There an lot of excellent article here and I suggest that anybody who wants to understand psychology starts here.

  30. Hi Daisy, I’m aware of your code of ethics. That and the science of it was discussed in one of our other posts, by a dog trainer with a Psychology degree and a concentration in behaviourism.

    Nothing you have said has addressed any of the thing I addressed in my article. Can you show me proof that the basic tenets of ABA include encouraging stimming, allowing the child to start and end sessions at will etc?

    Also, I have no experience with ABA therapists. I was fortunate enough to grow up in an aspie household where my quirks were accepted and valued. I took actual promotional videos of ABA from the internet and pointed out the things that bother autistic people.

    Please link to ABA information discussing the importance of respecting the word “no”, not touching the child without consent of the child, allowing the child to stim, and condemning “ignoring” as an extinction method.

    If as you say, all of these promotional videos are ABA done wrong, please furnish your own videos or proof in evidence.

  31. Where do I criticize the science? I don’t even mention the science in this article. I don’t believe you even read my article. If you did, you would be able to refute specific points.

    1. You’ve (unintentionally) implied that ABA is abusive. As a result of not clearly differentiating abusive applications of ABA and ethical applications of ABA, I’m seeing people on social media go off all hung ho about how horrible the very idea of ABA is to them now. What resources are there for people to report companies that recommend 40 hours of ABA for young children? How does one tell the difference between a non-disruptive stim and one that is actually disabling? When is ABA appropriate? You and I may know these answers from personal experience, but people are walking away from your article knowing more about how abuse can manifest and understanding less about ABA than they did before.

      Also, Lovaas didn’t found ABA, that credit usually goes to Skinner.

      1. You’ve missed the point of the article entirely.

        I am not “unintentionally” implying that ABA is abusive. I am telling you right out that ABA – properly, as-taught-in-schools, looks-just-fine-to-neurotypical-folks – IS abusive.

        Autistic people experience the world differently than NT people do. What seems fine or might be non-abusive to NT folks is still experienced as abusive by us.

        The purpose of this article was to demonstrate that it’s not just the Judge Rotenberg Center style of ABA that is experienced as abusive by autistic people. Positive, loving, well meaning people can accidentally abuse autistic children unless they learn to see things through autistic eyes.

        There are plenty of therapies out there that do not traumatize autistic people. Until people are willing to listen to autistic voices, believe us when we say that this totally-looks-fine training method is traumatic to us, and work with us to ensure that our feelings and experiences are taken into account when we are given “therapy”, there is no way to tell “good” ABA from “bad” ABA.

        It is safest to avoid ABA altogether until the industry starts listening to its students.

        And what do you mean “report” companies that recommend 40 hours of ABA? Who would we report to? That is the official recommendation. The stuff in those videos is not ABA done badly. It is ABA used to train ABA therapists – examples of ABA done “correctly”.

        1. Hey. I know this is coming late but I just wanted to say I think your article is really important. And for what it is worth I am not autistic and even before I read your feelings about the videos I did find them abusive, pointless, creepy etc and it was clearly about forcing the kids to be “normal”, not about helping them cope and deal with the world. And they were so artificial and uncaring about it. All that touching, the ignoring, the little girl repeating do this… heartbreaking. Of course, it becomes even worse reading your perspective about it and knowing it is 40 hours a week. That is horrifying. I am so sorry about this. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know it does seem abusive even to people who are nkt on the spectrum, at least it does to me.

  32. Hi Maria, I can tell you care very much about the welfare of your son, but I think you missed the point of my article. I have no problem with teaching a kid to pick up their toys and at no point in my article do I criticize that.

    Also, most kids like their ABA therapist. Kids are eager-to-please and want to do well, and modern ABA tries hard to be positive and reinforcing.

    That is not where my complaints lie. You haven’t addressed any of my actual concerns. And even if you have a great therapist who allows stimming and never encourages eye contact or ignores the child, that doesn’t mean that every child is getting that same experience because ABA students are taught to decrease repetitive behaviours and reward eye gaze etc.

    So your one good experience with the ABA therapist who doesn’t ask for eye gaze and lets your kid stim his heart out doesn’t undo the damage done to thousands of other children.

  33. I have severe ADHD. Growing up having to remain seated in school and having to learn to remain on task with all the chaos going on in the classroom was very overwhelmingand I got in trouble for my behavior frequently. Was it abusive? No. Had I not been taught those skills I would not be a functioning adult. All children have to learn skills that they don’t necessarily want to learn and may be frustrating to learn. Feelings should never be ignored but EVERY child (autism or not) needs to learn how to express themselves appropriately. Do you feel that the child in the video saying mom over and over should have been answered immediately or taught to say excuse me and wait? ABA would teach “excuse me” in that particular situation so he isn’t being ignored but his mother should not be expected to stop her conversation every time her child starts yelling at her.

    1. Or. The mum could have greeted her child and asked about his day, instead of walking right up to where he was and not even looking at him, starting to talk to the therapist immediately as if her child wasn’t even there. I mean, talk about rude.

  34. This is absolute nonsense. Your article is irresponsible and potentially harmful to children with ASD. Think of the damage that has already been done with the fabricated study on vaccinations and ASD by Wakefield, this article should be redacted.

  35. Lots of therapies offer the things you describe without ANY of the stuff I criticized here. Kids in the UK where ABA is rarely used learn life skills etc too.

    1. The AFLS is a widely used assessment tool we use for kids with Autism and program based off of in ABA. The whole assessment is based off life skills. It has sections for independent living, money management, school success etc. I really believe you don’t have the whole picture on what ABA is/does.

    2. Speaking as an autistic guy from the UK (Hi Carol, Taz here 🙂 ) – yeah I (eventually) learned those things through entirely non-ABA methods and never had to go through anything like the stuff in the video above, which AFAIK we don’t have, or didn’t when I was growing up. Regular occupational therapy and just constant reinforcement from my parents telling me This Is What To Do and What Not To Do was all (gets drilled into your brain after enough times, regardless of reward or punishment!!). This looks, at the VERY least, terribly disrespectful of the autistic kids’ needs. I would have HATED it.

    3. ABA in the UK is rapidly growing. Did you know there are 9 full-time ABA schools funded by the state? This speaks louder than words.

  36. the idea that NTs think these videos are depicting cutting edge therapy and miraculous treatment and inspiration porn instead of explicit, gratuitous child abuse is horrifying to me. I can barely get through these videos. I had to pause every few minutes to calm down because watching these children be manhandled and dehumanized without any regard for their thoughts or feelings or experiences is both horrifying and infuriating to me.

  37. You know what the worst part is? I’m a non autistic person, and if I had seen this, without the explanation about ABA therapy, I would have thought that it was a good idea. A good method. But of course, I can’t talk about it. I’m not capable of doing it. Every person here, talking about how this is a big lie, and all that bullshit, stop. Stop. No one wants to hear about it. Stop with your nonsense. Don’t listen to your useless mind here, because that’s what it is, useless. You can’t understand the deal. You can’t understand the consequences. You can’t understand it in the autistic way. So, if you can’t understand, close your mouth. Hold your tongue. Don’t listen to your useless mind. Listen to the autistic people, because, I can assure you, they know what they are talking about.

    1. Thank you so much for your support. I also thank you for your honesty about seeing the ABA videos from a non-autistic perspective. We don’t expect people to understand how we perceive the world but it sure gets frustrating when we tell people how we perceive things and are told that we are wrong.

      Like… I don’t understand how people can think that they know more about how autism feels than autistic people do.

      So thank you for your honesty and your listening skills.

  38. I have a question as someone who worked as an aba tech for years and now is working towards social work and agreed with pretty much everything you wrote.

    Is aba the problem or is it the underlying lack of acceptance? Can shaping and positive reinforcement be used to teach communication as long as the tech is trying to understand what is overwhelming and how to listen?

    I agree that trying to make an autistic “pass” as typical is destructive and abusive. I refuse to stop students stimming unless it’s selfharm and I have filed complaints against staff that takes communication device away. Yet I don’t know how to help someone who is less verbal and self distructive adapt to a world that I hostially ablist without some of the aba tools .

    1. I think it is possible to use shaping and positive reinforcement ethically – This article implies as much – https://theaspergian.com/2019/03/27/is-aba-really-dog-training-for-children-a-professional-dog-trainer-weighs-in/

      But until ABA is properly regulated to prevent child abuse and ensure that the goals and methods are genuinely helpful to the well being of autistic people and not just to make them seem less autistic, it should be given a wide berth.

      Lots of other therapies incorporate positive reinforcement etc. After all basic parenting uses it.

    2. I also highly recommend reading The Spark for a example of how you can help a non-verbal child reach their potential without systematically training them.

  39. I’m a neurotypical and I’m not saying that this is right, however in my own experience growing up… I was treated the same way with many the same expectations. Ignore the problem if it’s not acceptable, until it is. Rewards when it’s what is expected even if it was something I didn’t want and had to grudgingly accept. Giving any person exactly what they want at all times can be dangerous at the best of times. This article is enlightening as far as understanding stims over facial expression, and I acknowledge that the world in general needs to be more about the people in it and less about what is being accomplished.

    However, there will always be a balance, as that is an undeniable truth. Deciding the acceptable range of behaviors for any situation and exactly what behavioral balance is needed to optimize the situation for the individuals needs and desired outcome amongst other parties. That’s a social dynamic that will be in every day life, it’s why we respect our elders and let them do what they will for the most part.. age is another factor which advises situations and acceptable behaviors. If the expectation of a treatment is to make the person completely comfortable and do only the things that they want to… you may as well just stay at home and save the money. These underlying reason for these treatments is to have an individual be able to cope with and successfully navigate every day situations in an already established and complex social environment.

    Learning isn’t comfortable and makes you do many things you don’t want to… just ask my 7 year old son. I love him dearly however, I would not let him decide the criteria of the curriculum in which he is to be exposed to because the current state of the world and complexities inherent therein have actually created a moving bar in which we need to rise to, or be left behind. We each have our strengths and should work to those strengths if the ultimate goal is to contribute and be successful in our social integrations.

    That being said… I believe the intention of this post is to effectively “move the bar” and create an expectation of a system defined by neurotypicals to be redefined due to a better understanding of the complexities in human behavior specifically for which the system is designed.

  40. Thank you for this article. My now 5 years old son was officially diagnosed in November and automatically they want him to go into ABA. He has yet to start and I am fully against it. There is nothing I want to change about any of my sons behaviors with the exception of hitting himself or others and his elopement.

    I without being a therapist know these are things he does to show his emotions that he is unable to express. He speaks quite a bit but has mixed expressive/receptive and social pragmatic communication disorder. So, he has trouble getting out what’s going on inside. I talk to him about trying to find a way to show his feelings that are injurious to himself or others.

    If anyone has any tips for me I would be grateful. I don’t want my son conform to what others think is normal. I never did, my OCD, anxiety, ant Bipolar make me who I am. SO, why would I want him to not be him?

    Thank you in advance for any advice.

    1. Thank you for presenting some really thought-provoking and challenging ideas; I was really pushed to track and assess my internal reactions as I read. Realizing I don’t have the experience to have a meaningful opinion will, I hope, help make me a better ally.

    2. Self injurious behavior and elopment are dangerous behaviors. Don’t you want to give your son a chance to communicate what he really wants without these dangerous behaviors? There are reasons behind the behavior. ABA will help your child and you learn to how to work with elopment and his self-stimulation. His behaviors will only worsen as he gets older.

      1. Do you really think that you have the ability to tell autistic people what they need or what happens with behaviors as autistics get older? You know what happens? They don’t get older. Their average life span is half that of neurotypicals with suicide being a leading cause of death. There’s a reason more than half of us have PTSD before we graduate high school. It’s because our parents saw us as behaviors and liabilities and tried to break us. It worked.

        The hard truth is, autistic people are trying to tell you that you’re traumatizing your children because autistic people’s parents traumatized them.

        So keep it up, or shut up and listen. We are trying to do you a favor but your ego is enormous.

        1. I hear you. Parents are a huge cause of the problem. I myself suffer with PTSD and depression due to my parent. This is why ABA works well for many children. A huge of part of ABA is parent training; teaching these parents how to manage their own self around their kids. ABA teaches parents to follow through, to prime, to give positive reinforcement, and so on. ABA is not solely for the children, it is for the parents/caregivers too.

          How I wish my mother had given me this support growing up. How I wish she would have learned to handle my ADHD with positive reinforcement instead of bullying me by calling me “stupid.” Suicide was part of my daily thoughts because it was torture living that life. And now, I work with kids dealing with similar issues. It’s not the child, it’s their circumstance.

  41. I am so so thankful for the adult autistic community who are speaking out against things like ABA. My daughter’s teacher pushed me relentlessly to put her in ABA. She was familiar with it and insisted my daughter needed it. My daughter is “high functioning” (whatever that means) It never felt right. Her and my son’s doctor after their diagnosis instantly referred us to ABA… they wanted 30 hours a week for my 1yo son, 15 hours a week for my 6yo daughter on top of school. Understand they had NO destructive behaviors. Mostly “delays in speech and behavior and sensory seeking behavior” (they develop on their own schedule and not be anybody’s approved chart and experience the world uniquely) I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what they saw that needed such intense therapy. I knew that something so exhausting would only make my daughter’s anxiety skyrocket. It felt like they wanted me to sign the raising of my kids away to strangers because they needed to be “fixed.” But seeing as it had always been so hard for me to figure out what my daughter needed (everything seemed traumatizing for her and until I understood sensory issues I couldn’t figure out why) I kept second guessing myself. Listening to what the adult autistic community had to say about it helped me have the strength to say no to these “experts.” They were all focused on her behaviors… make her stop hiding under the table, make her listen, make her stop spinning while in line, make her sit still and be quiet, make her just stop…. I kept wanting to yell at them all… “did you ever try asking her WHY she was hiding? What’s wrong with a little spinning? Do you even care how much you people are stressing her out?”
    We homeschool now. None of them would listen to me or treat her like a person. I’m completely done with them all.
    Now my experts I listen to are researching what actual autistic people say helped them live healthy balanced lives. I’ve pursued things like speech, and OT for my children and do loads of research on my own. Yes I know that some things under the ABA umbrella don’t use as much abusive tactics, but seeing as it exists to such an extent that I can’t go into any ABA therapists office with the confidence that abusive tactics won’t ever be used? I won’t allow it for my children.

  42. “They don’t see how dangerous it is to teach a child to do whatever they are ordered to do, no questions asked, and to never object or say “no.”

    They don’t think about the fact that 70% of people with ASD have experienced sexual abuse by the time they are college age.”

    Are you suggesting that people with ASD are sexually abused because they are compliant? And that ABA teaches people with ASD to be compliant, so ABA is the reason for them being sexually assaulted?

    1. People with ASD are sexually abused because they are vulnerable.

      And yes, I am suggesting that teaching unquestioning compliance to an already-vulnerable group is a bad idea. I would not say ABA is the “reason” for being assaulted. A sexual predator is ALWAYS the reason for someone being assaulted.

  43. I dont agree with the videos but strongy feel thats not how it happens when u r with right people. As for the science I really really feel it also depends on need of a child. I have an almost 8 years old on spectrum and have tried therapies based on floor time for few years, therapists were wonderful and he loved going there. But end of the day he is a kind of child who really wants to connect with other kids want to be part of group of playing kids and be connected and be just another child in school or playground…And it’s not happening I see him getting sad and frustrated day by day. So yes he needs ABA now to get enough tools to enjoy his childhood, to be able to stop doing things which other kids find disruptive in playing and learn to show more friendliness. He may or may not like the process of learning all that but what he will get at the end is wat he really really want, when u have kids many times u can see wat they need/want but u need to make it happen for them and that could be they may feel pressured.
    ABA may not suit everyone but that would not make it useless or harmful for everyone.
    Please parents of young children don’t reject or adopt a method because someone says so.
    Every person on spectrum is different with different needs I wouldn’t decide on the basis of opinions of few people on spectrum who may have encountered wrong people. I will be part of my kids life and observe the effects.

  44. Love seeing articles like this. I am a strong believer that no matter how good an idea, theory or approach may sound, none is perfect. Textbooks, approaches, theories,… should be only used as guidelines to free and enhance any process for them to be successful. Blindly following the rules, just because those are the rules – well that is simply not the right thing to do. As mark Twain said: “Life is too short. Break some rules.” Guess I can be blamed for some during my years working as an ABA therapist. Having a connection with the child, and figuring out what actually works better for each case, although more challenging at first, was definitely more beneficial than repeatedly making the child say or do something over and over again for at least 10 trials, simply because those were the rules. I guess being a professional Ballroom competitor and the constant search and understanding what works for me, despite the technique written in the theory books and what other coaches were introducing me to, was very similar to the ABA. In dancing I was the child, my coaches – the therapists, and the technique – the ABA approach. The most important was to find the right team, the right coach with the right approach who was open to breaking rules and trying something else, aside from one given approach to bring the best out of me. Hence, I was approaching therapy in the same way. Try to find what works best for the child and not the system.

  45. Great job guys…
    You read an article about how autistic people truly feel about a therapy that’s aimed to “help” them…
    They tell you that it completely ignores their emotional health, it’s abusive and they just want to be heard.



    AGAIN, reinforcing the “Stop doing that, do this, and don’t complain about it.”

    I’m neurotypical by the way. It’s just that obvious judging from the responses in this post alone.

    Do some self reflection. This is fucking heart breaking.

    Ps: tiffany, you are not the authority in the way someone with autism experiences the world because you have a degree. Cut it out. Its obnoxious.

    1. I would like to clone an army of you <3

      Thank you. A million times, thank you for being an ally.

    2. Lol never said I was. I said that this is not an accurate depiction of what ABA is. Did not mention anything about anyone’s feelings or experiences with the world 🙂

      1. And yet, this reply, in itself is one of the most telling and accurate commentaries one could make on how an autistic experiences the world…

      2. Any and every NT person (parent, teacher, and otherwise) who believes ABA is acceptable is simply not listening. From one NT mom and teacher to another, sit down, zip it, and listen — to our autistic spouses, children, students, and adults we haven’t even met in person. Our job is to learn not to make *them* more like *us.*

        1. HOW do we KNOW how we/our child would have turned out if we had/not had ABA?
          Then I have a lot of problems we what is currently called autism as a diagnosis of any problem.
          Autism is a description of certain behaviour patterns, not a diagnosis of what is the cause of those problems.
          I have seen far too many ‘mentally retarded’ kids diagnosed as ‘Autistic’. These kids/people need help to survive in our society, maybe ABA really does help many of these people.

          1. HOW do we KNOW how black people would have turned out if we had not had slavery?

            I’ve seen far too many black people in jail who the lamestream media claims was innocent. These black people need help to survive in our society, maybe slavery really did help many of these people?

            Here’s how we know:


  46. I am the parent of a (now grown-up) autistic woman and I would NEVER put her through this dangerous, degrading crap. I’m NT and all you NT’s thinking “but it’s for the best to make them fit in” Just NO! You are destroying them, that is not the act of a loving parent. Don’t inflict ABA on your children!

  47. I think the end goal of every parent, especially for the parents of non-verbal individuals, should be at least attempting to get their child to learn basic self care. Toileting/Hygiene, picking up after themselves and making easy, basic food, that way, even after the parent passes on, one can be at least somewhat able to take care of themselves.

    Reducing stimming? Fuck that noise.

    Reducing non-verbal vocalizations? Fuck that noise.

    All the autistic behaviors that harm none (even the autistic individual) should just be accepted by NT’s. How does hand flapping harm YOU? it doesn’t! My stim is jiggling my leg. I don’t flap, I jiggle my leg. How does someone making non-verbal sounds harm YOU? It doesn’t, unless you have a migraine, then take your meds and go lie down in a dark room. BUT, helping one get a basic grasp of self care, goes a very long way in basic human dignity for the Autistic person. I know I wouldn’t want to be in diapers my entire life, or be bathed by someone else for my life. I would want to be able to do that myself, and I have that, so does my Autistic daughter.

    I have a feeling teaching the big three can be done without using the abusive tactics of ABA.

    1. It’s not about teaching. It’s about validating inadequate and resentful NTs.

  48. I feel bad for not noticing all this in the first videos. I’m autistic myself (although I have Asperger’s, which is kind of different I guess) and all I thought was that they’re doing everything so quickly and expect the child to keep up.
    These videos were overwhelming to watch because I really felt like the kids couldn’t breathe. Also, it’s like they’re dogs. A handle to hold the child? Just… Wow.

    1. I noticed her putting the hands down right away. It made me crazy. Then the jumping from one thing to the next!!! Why? It takes longer to process and think things out sometimes. Go slow. Flap stem. Think about it. We let our guy do what he wants in the stores. We get weird looks all the time. Honestly he’s a great kid, why would I want him to suffer.

    2. I wouldn’t treat a dog like that!! It is abusive for dogs as well as humans.
      Treat the cause, NOT the symptoms.

  49. This article was really interesting and informative, thank you! I’m NT and the only things I really picked up on in the videos was how loud the therapists were and how much touching and grabbing they did, which seemed like it’d be distressing to the kids. It kind of drives me crazy that this therapy is ostensibly meant to help autistic children, but when adults who’ve gone through it show up with a huge list of reasons why it’s harmful and what are better alternatives, they’re turned away as not getting how stressful it is to raise an autistic kid, completely missing the point of how stressful and damaging the therapy is to the children themselves.

  50. Thank you for this article. I always had the sneaking suspicion that this type of therapy and other methods similar to it were abusive, but it’s so so nice to have some proof. I’m not autistic, but I have SPD, which is basically experiencing senses in a different way than most people, plus being extremely sensitive to sensory overloads. To all the parents of autistic or neurodivergent kids reading this article, please dont do this yo your kids. I’m paying a heavy price down the line for complying with this as a kid. It leads to all sorts of social issues with other kids, and huge self esteem issues. This type of “therapy” tells you as a very small child that you are not good enough as you are, that you have to change to fit everyones standards. Then you spend your whole life believing them I’d you’re not careful.

  51. It’s abuse. If you saw it being done to a POW or political dissident, you would immediately recognize it for what it is.
    Unless of course, you were the oppressor; then you would just call it Behavior Modification.
    But it would still be abuse.

    1. Shame truly. This entire article is just an opinion, nothing factual other than others agreeing, which is easy for people to agree and disagree. Have studies been done to make this claim about ABA being sooo extremely abusive? Probably not, as it’s pretty ridiculous to claim a service as a whole, as abusive.

      Are some companies teaching in a manner that could follow your article sure, have some expressed abuse through ABA sure, I’m not saying it hasn’t happen. But do not generalize the entire ABA industry on your experience.
      Have you gone out your way to visit different centers and see their teaching, asking to sit in, talking to the doctors who run these clinics about it to support your claims? Probably not. It’s not fair to generalize the entire ABA community , when I personally know very affectionate, loving and caring therapist on my end.

      Studies have been done though about the success rate of ABA. I work with they most amazing doctor I know, who has never once ignored the NEEDS of our kiddos.

      In fact their needs are just as important!! And yes, I’m a ABA therapists, and I LOVE each kid I work with, with ALL MY HEART.
      We don’t put demands on them when they are sick or tired. And kids who aren’t diagnosed and out in general Ed classes, still go to school when they are sick, so isn’t that abuse? By your logic.

      Are teachers abusive because they are telling students to line up and follow the rules when certainly those kids don’t want to stay in line or follow the rules?

      1. As I understand it, ABA is ‘formalised’. This is what you do “IF . . . “.
        All autistic kids are different. There are many reasons for a “problem behaviour” and a one-size-fits-all response is unlikely to help them.
        Maybe it is the ‘diagnosis’ that is failing these kids?
        Would it not be better to help these kids
        I got that as a kid. Nobody cared at all that I found somethings totally unpleasant./distasteful. Just do it! Then I was in trouble for all my stress illnesses. “It’s all in your head. Imaginitis 🙁 Just pull up your socks, You are so cranky.”
        Would it not be better to help these kids cope with a world they find confusing/weird/ unpleasant rather than trying to make them simply outwardly comply?
        As for ‘generalising the ABA community’ I think it is the ABA community that has generalised them selves.
        I am Asperger’s enough to know that I HATE HATE HATE inflexible rules of conduct.
        I have personally had association with the ABA dog trainers. “Do this this way! No you are wrong, do it THIS way. Deliver the food this way! Your treats are too large, too small, wrong food” and worse,
        I’ve had over 20 dogs in my life time and I know each of them needed training/socialisation in their own way.
        By the way, release from stress is NOT a sensible ‘reward’ to use. It is NEGATIVE reinforcement. It is very stressful for the recipient.

      2. There are a number of studies occuring now that do outline the the dangers and negative long lasting effects of ABA. https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/AIA-08-2017-0016/full/html, https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/23311908.2019.1641258?needAccess=true

        There is also a great deal of research that shows the pointlessness of making children line up, or follow arbritrary rules. I have always taught three rukles, for all children in my care, are you safe, are other people safe, is our enviornemnt safe. How is forcing an autistic child to stop rocking following any of those rules?

  52. This is very interesting to me. I don’t have autism but I’m not neurotypical either, having ADHD, and an array of the bits and pieces that go along with basic neurodevelopmental differences.

    I have a 3 yo who doesn’t have autism and I would never allow him to endure that intensity of interaction and control purely because it would be utterly overwhelming. Destructive in extreme because there’d be no room for him. Suffocating. Traumatizing. Erasing. Learned helplessness = depression. So 40 hours… hell on earth. I see how that’s so so abusive.

    To train key functional tasks that my child was not intrinsically motivated to learn, or couldn’t learn through modeling and encouragement, I’d use the behavioural techniques for sure. But not on that type of schedule. It’s interesting isn’t it that the recommended weekly amount coincides with 1 x FTE job… basic economics. Keeping people employed.

    Like others, I don’t think the problem is the techniques – it’s not the science. It’s how it’s applied and the implicit dehumanizing value set it can bring. Something that this post makes explicit really well. Behavior without values/choice is autopilot, obedience, subjugation.

    We need to make room for the individual to thrive and guide their development in all their uniqueness, within their own emergent value set, within any functional training program.

  53. Neurodivergent kids are allready under more stress with operating in a world designed by the majority, for the majority. Whilst I can understand why a parent of an Autistic kid might be desperate to have their child appear to be more conforming to societies norms, there might be a few key missing points when they think this way:
    1) An autistic child is much more unique than the majority of people
    2) An autistic childs uniqueness is central to who they are and it always will be
    3) An Autistic childs uniqueness is also the core of their unique potential and talents
    4) Whilst this may be uncomfortable and challenging for some, it is a good thing
    5) Your child is already under more stress bridging their mind to the world which rarely accommodates for their uniqueness.
    6) Supressing or forcing an autist to mask the way they are will invariably have a negative impact on the child and all the potential they have.
    7) Any treatment has to invariably be as unique as the child is. There is no copy and paste solution, because of the childs uniqueness.

    So why on earth would you exert extreme stress on the child to force them go mask what comes naturally?

    So what are the answers for tools for living an independant life for some Autists (toilet training, dressing, hygiene)? The answers will be as unique as each Autist is unique. To unravel this, you need to understand what is behind everything. Do your homework, be patient, get to the root of things, Learn, think, but most of all, don’ t try and change your child just so they fit in with societal norms. Throwing money at strangers to try and fix something is bound to fail.

    The best people to help the child are the people who know them best. The parents. Step up. Don’t abdicate.

    My Advice? Get used to our home motto. In our house, we don’t do normal.

    I am writing this as an undiagnosed adult autist, with a diagnosed Autistic Son. Was potty training hard? You bet it was. Dressing and self care. ohh yes, you bet. Is our son successful.
    Absolutely. Kind, polite, considerate, deep thinking. Tick. Extraverted?
    Tick. Stims a lot in class (yep, running back and forth across the classrom). Tick. Do teachers care? (nope, they know more is going into his head than the kids sitting down ) Mainstream schooled? yep. 5As in this years report, tick.

    And would we have ever considered a treatment to mould him into something he simply is not? No way. We chose to learn what works for the way he is, not the other way around. If we did the opposite we would be seriously emotiinally broken, low self esteem, flunking at school, getting into trouble.

    Why do I think that? Because he would be working overtime being two people, not one. Bugger that for a life

    Each to their own, I am not looking to argue any points. Just providing a perspective based on our experience and I completely recognise, each parent and each childs situation and challenges are completely unique and that our experience may not work as well for others.

    1. Speaking as a pedant (aka Asperger’s) one cannot be “MORE” unique, You either are or you aren’t. If their is one other person like you you are no longer ‘unique’.

  54. Im sorry that you feel that us neurotypical mums are all on the one side…. my son was diagnosed when he was nearly 10. We had both suffered incredibly and would suffer more. ABA always seemed disgusting to me because it ignored his whole body experience. I was left with nearly NO information but found Aspergers Experts and then eventually Dr Holly Bridges. Im absolutely certain there are quiet, determined, “not on social media” parents who ran from ABA and sought a love response to the gift that is their autistic child. Don’t forget about us. We have always been “other centered” love people. Seeking more for our child.

      1. I’m an NT mom who despises ABA and wants to diminish it ASAP. How do I shut it the fuck down and replace it with something that’s funded by the government like the DIR floortime. Thoughts?

  55. I am a NT mother of a 24 year-old autistic son who just graduated from university. I did not use ABA, nor would I! I am totally against ABA! So, how about you learn about us NT mothers of autistic kids before you go around saying that we all defend ABA!! We do not! Autism is not an illness! It is not something that needs to be “cured”! Society needs to learn to adapt to our awesome kids, not the other way around!!

    1. Problem with this is, it’s a bit like the “not all men” argument in feminism. Not all NT parents are the same, for sure. Some are amazing allies. Like you (and I completely agree with your last couple of sentences, being autistic myself). But as long as the majority stamp on the minority, the minority’s allowed to complain in very general terms.

  56. Hi everyone. My son is 4yo and was diagnosed just after his second birthday. With help from our local regional center, we were able to start center based early intervention almost immediately, and ABA therapy a few months later. He started with 20 hours of ABA and is now at 14 1/2. I fight with the scheduling coordinator because they want him at 15, but that means a 4 hour Saturday session. It’s too much. Well, I feel embarrassed that I’m fighting over 30 minutes when I’m reading about how terrible ABA is for autistic children. And I’m feeling overwhelmed and broken hearted. Acceptance, self love and equality are extremely important to me and have been love before I became a parent. So the thought of doing something so harmful to my beautiful boy is too much to bare. And now I feel so confused. He is such a happy child, always singing and dancing, giving hugs and kisses, laughing and playing with us. ABA taught me to communicate with him when he was non-verbal. It’s taught me how to make transitions easier for him, it’s given me patience to handle and understand meltdowns. I have worked with women and men with family members and siblings who are autistic. They’ve given me so much guidance. They loved Logan and were so encouraging. I never felt like they’ve pushed him too far or overworked him. But they have said they would place less demands on him if he seemed sick, sleepy, or generally fussy. ( I’m assuming this would be the soda scenario…he woke up ready to blow). I literally have only become aware of the harm of ABA within the last couple of months. So, I feel lost. I feel scared. And I feel like I’m letting my son down after what I’ve read. So, if not ABA, then what?

    1. So how exactly has ABA been abusive to your son? I think I missed something in your write-up.

    2. The type of therapy your son is getting may not be actual ABA but may just be classified as ABA for insurance reasons. Either way though, it’s good that you’re questioning it. Are there any forms of Augmented Alternative Communication (AAC) that you’ve found helpful for communicating with your son? PECS is a really good one. With picture-based systems you may have to use actual photos of things around your house though, because some kids have trouble connecting the picture with the abstract idea that “this picture of a bed represents every bed, including mine.” So taking a picture of the actual objects can help.

      DIR/Floortime is a great alternative therapy to ABA, but you have to be careful that whoever administers it doesn’t combine it with ABA principles. Same with OT.

      Thank you so much for wanting to help your son. I can’t imagine how confusing all of this is for you. That you want to learn how to help, listen to and respect your son is already proof that you are a good mother.

    3. Don’t give up mama, it could just be a matter of changing to a different supervisor or even vendor. I was lucky to have found early intervention through our regional center and the ABA company was great. They always considered how tired my child was or if he needed a break. I always expressed my concerns and talked about my child’s feelings. My boy is doing so much better. He can comunicate better and I feel like ABA is needed, at least until you can establish a comunication system (for those who remain nonverbal). The world out there is harsh, we need to prepare the for it.

    4. Don’t fall for this my friend. Im an ABA therapist of 13 years and I have clients who thank me to this day for the work we did together. Don’t give up and ABA is not abuse. Fyi I’ve never ignored the “needs” of my clients. You need to do more research and speak with your providers.

      1. Just because some parents thank you doesn’t mean all parents feel like thanking you — or that all parents necessarily understand their problems their child is going though. it does not mean the child feels any better. Nor does it necessarily mean that you are a good therapist.
        I did ‘therapy’ as a pre-schooler because my Mother thought I was ‘mentally retarded’. SHE said I wasn’t yet talking — I thought on the other hand she was just being rude to me by pretending she didn’t understand what I was saying. I was lucky, I think, my therapist taught me poetry which I loved 🙂
        I thought other people both adults and children were very rude — I did not want to be touched, talked to or in any other way have anything to do with strangers — especially those wearing perfumes and cosmetics ad going into a hose where Ammonia was use as a cleaning agent was horrific to me. I always hos the horrors because my M-I-L always wanted to ‘do’ the social kiss. Yuck. Why????

    5. I believe that ABA can change a life for the better if done right.  I think the key is really to find the best place to do this helpful therapy. ABA Treatment Miami has great therapists with a lot of experience working with children who find it difficult to cope in what we consider everyday experiences. I really love how sensitive they are to meet your family’s needs and how they make the environment for your child to feel so natural and happy.

  57. I can’t believe what I have watched. I have worked and lived with autism for years now. These are thinking, feeling, sensitive children ….not dogs to teach tricks to with rewards!! So called rewards… how many hyper sensory children can bare to be tickled. If you are trying to encourage a child to make decisions and choices but can’t, so grab their hands and manipulate the action (like forcing a thumbs up) quite frankly you have failed to get through or teach anything lasting. Done well, 1:1 positive game play stimulation can create a safe space to encourage better understanding of the world around an autistic child. There shouldn’t be shortcuts and there should be a core understanding of individual needs. Patience and the development of trust with a therapist brings lifelong self belief. Reward based bullying breaks down identity and we need to build up these kids!!!
    Sorry I have gone on but am frustrated at well meaning but damaging practices!!!!

    1. Those “therapists” putting their hands all over those kids and pushing down their hands, tickling them, poking at them like it was “fun”… the whole thing was repulsive to me. A lot of us with ASD are very touch-averse, and being touched like this is the LAST thing we want. Yet had I been diagnosed as a child, I’d have been forced to let people touch me for 20, 30, 40 hours a week? Forced to do ridiculous mimicking games for seemingly no reason? I don’t even understand the point behind most of these “games”. I can’t imagine what the children having to sit through all this nonsense must think of it.

  58. I’m not getting in the debate; I have no clue. However, as a highly observant aspie who has done far too much research, I am always bewildered at how many parents of kids on the spectrum consider themselves neurotypical. , 🤔 Some of you are, but then your partner must not be. At least one parent is on the spectrum. That’s how soyou created an autistic child. 🤷‍♀️ There is no need for all the guessing as to what we feel like or how we see things. Because at least ONE of you gets it.

  59. Thank you so much for this article. My 5 yo was diagnosed with autism a few months ago. Our OT recommended we check out the open house for the new ABA therapy group in town. The facility was lovely but when they told me they wanted 40 hours per week, or at least 20, I balked. That’s insane! I’m not giving up that time with my kid! I’ve since had some other moms recommend it and wanted to hear from adults with autism what they thought of it. This was eye opening! Those videos made me sick. There is nothing wrong with my daughter, she’s amazing. Sure, I would love for her to be better understood by peers and to more easily function in the classroom but in neither of these situations is she the one who needs to change. I would love some suggestions on therapies that are helpful and not abusive, from people who have actually been through them. I am so thankful for you and this community and the work you are doing to help autists be better understood and accepted.

    I don’t think most NT parents would put their children in ABA if they understood this. At least I certainly hope they wouldn’t. So thank you for putting this out there. Your perspective is so valuable.

    1. can’t speak for all autistic people, but my mum inadvertently did a lot of good training with me when I was young, basically because she wanted to share art and film with me. I was raised on a lot of films, from various eras and genres (As in, I didn’t realize “colour” was standard until I was about 8-9.) and, while I may be a little more dramatic or quotation-oriented than NT folk, It actually really helped me develop a base for interaction, because it’s scripts. scripts intended to feel natural. scripts I can analyse, rewatch, learn, develop to, and integrate.

      In terms of school, my mum went the homeschooling route after 5th grade, which helped, but other things before that were things like a teacher recognizing how much movement distracted me, so making a special “room” for me to take tests in (A cardboard box around a desk with drawings, tbh) A bit much, but the basic premise is sound in that she saw what was causing my lack of focus and worked around it.

  60. Thank you, this has finally put the reasons why ABA is seen as abuse in a way that I can understand it.

    I’m a late diagnosis, this year in fact, along with my 2yo son. So I understand not only how it feels to be autistic and have those feelings ignored, and how it feels to desperately want to be “normal” but not understanding why I’m not, and also how it feels to want to do everything I can to give my child everything he needs for a good life. It’s been hard for me to exactly understand what “it’s abuse” means when that’s all people generally say. I’ve had trouble my whole life understanding short blanket statements, it’s like, “yes I believe you, but I don’t have an understanding of what exactly you’re telling me.” My son is in ABA, and does love his therapist and armed with all of the things that I understood to be abusive I chose our ABA provider. They agreed that stimming is important, he doesn’t need to sit and remain sitting for an activity, he can take breaks whenever he needs, and they’re working closely with our OT whoes #1 concern is sensory needs. That being said I will be paying very close attention during his ABA sessions next week to see if I can spot any of these concerns. It probably happened even more than the providers realize.

  61. I’m surprised if people don’t see abuse in the first few videos. It’s pretty obvious I think. For starters, they’re constantly invading the child’s space… isn’t this what Autistic children are often in trouble for? Invading space?

    They are loud and overwhelming… another thing children get in trouble for.

    They’re constantly touching them… again

    They’re very repetitive… hmmm

    They keep feeding them junk.

    I wouldn’t cope with this for 5 minutes let alone 20-40 hours per week.

    There’s no consideration for those children at all, these therapists are condescending, in your face, dominating, overstimulating, repetitive, loud, way too hands on. They would never treat their allistic children this way and allistic children would never stand for it either.

    The later videos such as the shopping trip… why is this even necessary? What are they training her to be, a child slave?

  62. Thank you C.L Lynch for a well reasoned and concise summary about the effects of ABA.

  63. The author of this article is Canadian. There’s no socialized healthcare in the USA so the “40 hours of ABA a week” entirely depends of what the private health insurance authorizes and not about the clinician recommendations. What it means is that if the insurance plan is crappy , the clinician will ask for 40 hours to at least obtain 10 hours, if they ask for 10 then they would get 5. It’s rare that a private health insurance authorizes 40 hours and usually it’s because both parents work full time and daycares for neurotypical children won’t accept autistic children not potty trained and with behaviors so their only choice is to send their autistic children to an ABA clinic all day . For that many hours the therapists are actually LAZY and will only make sure the kid is safe. This author knows nearly nothing about how ABA works

    1. OK so maybe there is no “socialised health care” in the USA (I presume you mean public health care which funds treatments like ABA), but that’s an anomaly in the Western world. Most countries have public health care, and 40hours/week ABA is still recommended, so…

  64. I agree with some of what you say and disagree with other points. As a mom it is my job to teach both my NT and ASD children how to behave, the proper way to play, work, communicate etc. in this world live in. So I set the same goals for both my kids. Each needed help with this and needed to to taught in their own way. But we did care (as did our therapists) about what they were feeling and what was over stimulating them. For both our kids we gave them more appropriate ways of coping with stress and a code word when they have had enough. My NT kid could pick up things by watching peers and copying them. My ASD son needed to be shown step by step multiple times. We and his therapists knew and understood that his brain just processes differently and we needed to work with that and the real world and using ABA we were able to teach him all he needed. We set the goals the same for both just took different paths to get there. Today my NT kid is a speech therapist and my ASD son is studying to be an OT. I read this article to him and his response? “It didn’t bother me. It helped me. I took comfort in the schedules, routines, and it gave me time to learn new things doing it over and over until I got it right. I can still stim but now I don’t look so different doing it. Maybe they didn’t have as good of a therapist that I had.” I hope parents and therapists can find a compromise.

  65. Invading their personal space and yanking things out of their hands over and over would never be tolerated by NTs. I know the third vid was important for informative purposes but it’s apparent that the client is aware of being filmed and objects. Has the client since agreed to the use of this video?

  66. I’ll be honest, I’m a bit at a loss as to what we *should* do. There are so many articles about what parents of kids on the spectrum shouldn’t do…but then how do we address some of these behaviors? I don’t mean stimming, my son can stim all day long if he pleases. But what do I do when he’s so anxious over everything that it’s impossible to leave to house with him? We’ve had to start homeschool because his meltdowns were that bad. Nevermind the constant stress from people telling us we aren’t socializing him but forcing him to socialize seems problematic according to this. What do we do when he won’t let me brush his teeth (they must be brushed, I’m sorry). What do we do when he will only eat 5 foods and his health is paying the price? What do I do when he wants to eat the insides of his diaper? What do I do when he has no awareness of safety? What do I do when he’s hurting and can’t tell me how or where? It’s never been about making him “normal” but about making him safer. School wasn’t a right fit, we’re on a waitlist for ABA and I’m hearing terrible things, speech would probably be deemed bad according to this author because my son hates it although learning to use his AAC is helping. I’m just. I’m at a loss. As much as I wished I lived in a world where my nonverbal son could just stay at home and eat 3 foods, it’s not possible. I won’t live forever. His health won’t tolerate some of his behaviors forever? Do I allow him to do damage to himself or do I inflict the damage with ABA?

    …not a NT mom, but not on the spectrum either.

      1. I can’t believe you’re actually posting a link to this utter shite. The author of this article is disingenuous at best. I’m pretty sure there’s actually an article here analyzing that precise post.

  67. How many of you on the spectrum complaining about ABA would be non-verbal, incontinent and not able to complain about ABA if you hadn’t gone through an ABA program? Not all ABA therapies are abusive – like anything else it depends upon who is doing it and how they are doing it. Would you rather be indignant and injured by ABA and be complaining about it or in a diaper and unable to talk right now? Life isn’t perfect and people do the best they can in difficult situations. If YOU had a child diagnosed with autism and was non-verbal and low-functioning would you just let them sit there undisturbed or try to help them? The worst form of abuse is neglect and warehousing. Autism spectrum disorders cause lots of problems and people with even mild symptoms of autism have a tough time of it but it isn’t all the fault of parents trying to help their children. My son, who went through ABA is now going to graduate school and is a professional musician – life isn’t perfect for him but he wouldn’t be living independently if it wasn’t for therapies we did that included a form of ABA when he was small.

    1. Dear Sue,

      You are making a sharp distinction in which you seem to think that anyone who says ABA is abusive is saying to never do anything with your child and simply allow them to decay. Which no one has EVER said. There are multiple alternatives to ABA that are not abusive dog training. Presuming competence also matters. I was nonverbal until I was nine and I was never put through therapy that was so dismissive to my feelings and perceptions – but here I am, with a law degree.

      In short, fuck your ableism in the face. How’s that Stockholm Syndrome treating you, Schrodinger’s autist?

      Bite me,
      an autist with the wild idea that we’re people

    2. I do NOT think non-verbal and incontinent is ‘Autism’. There are other causes of these behaviours. Some might be physical some might be mental.

    3. Personally I am in a family that is rife with Asperger’s, Autism and mental health problems .
      We’ve all done well without intervention except for ONE of my Nephews who I believed was totally ruined by the treatment he got from his Psychiatrist and his ‘special schooling’.
      Maybe school teachers need better education to cope with the odd-bods. Some children might benefit from special small classes.
      Non-verbal and low functioning needs proper diagnosis and the correct treatment for their problems. Maybe they need their environment altered for them!

  68. I don’t know — but the ABA interventions shown here would have totally freaked me out as a child.
    I never could stand Adults treating me rudely like this. Keep your hands to yourself and TELL me what you want.
    I’ve never considered that I needed ‘changing’.
    But I have as an adult and on antidepressants learned to cope with rude and intrusive behaviour from others. Still don’t like it.

  69. OK. Stop knocking “NT” people. There is a very very wide range of “Normal”. Though maybe we should say “Within the Normal Range”. And the normal range is not a flat graph but a 3 dimensional ‘mound’.
    At what percentile in any direction do you decide that something is NOT normal?
    Surely one ‘treats” what is a problem, for the individual (and being totally reliant on others to care for you IS a problem for adults).

    1. Or “Do not do unto others what is hateful to them.” Do NOT touch us! Do not make us do things that we find unpleasant or highly stressful. If what we are doing bothers you then you can leave the room — or let us leave the room and do NOT call us back and tell us how horrible we are.

  70. Please don’t lump all ‘autism moms’ together. We all come in different flavors just like our kids. Ever heard the saying ‘you met one autism mom then you’ve met one autism mom’? No, because it doesn’t exist but it’s still true. I would never send my kid to ABA.

  71. What am I thinking? I’m no longer sure, I feel so apart from myself, it’s become painful to be just myself, the parts that are truly me have been suppressed, and ripped away with the words “this is the way you do it not this way”, “this is the right way, that way is wrong”. I’m a woman in my mid 50’s, trying desperately to learn how to take control of my life! When we are not taught to make choices because it may take to long or because it may be politically incorrect for our physical demonstrations of self expression, the what is it w.d. become? With each year that I became older I also became more compliant, a robotic transformation of everyone else. After everything we learned it wasn’t that I couldn’t communicate, it was you who couldn’t communicate at my level, I felt too much, and couldn’t cope with all of it at once! This pressure way of teaching was not my choice and by brainwashing me with the way yo believe I should be taught you took away my ability to protect myself, you taught me to comply, you did not teach what shouldn’t be done to me, you didn’t teach me to keep myself safe, all you did was teach me to be a pet because I was never right! My future became that of someone who learned to pretend everything and I am good at it, but who am I now, you also left me open to others to molest me, physically abuse me, psychologically abuse me, and when that doesn’t cover what you gave me, you taught me to be an outcast!
    I am not all people that are autistic, but I believe I am not so alone in feeling this, and I am slowly learning to reach my own emotions and not that of others, my gift of autism to me is my overwhelming emotional intelligence, to question everything and everyone no matter how many times people want to assume the worst!
    It took longer for most “normal” people to develop their emotions, but to use psychological abuse to suppress ours is an assumption that’s been made for too long!

    1. I am so sorry for you — having been told as I child what was WRONG with me, and how I could change IF I wanted to.
      However one thing I have found out is that we must learn to like ourselves.
      It came about when I was teaching, and some kids were being horrible to another — when I spoke to them they said to me “But, Miss, she loves herself!”
      My response was immediate and from the heart. I said “I should hope so. If you cannot love yourself, how do you expect others to love you?”
      It took even me aback a bit. But since then I’ve also learned that ‘be kind’ to yourself is important.
      You are NOT horrible because you are cranky — you are tired and stressed.
      You are NOT horrible if you don’t enjoy noise and jollity.
      There is NO REASON to make yourself do things you’d rather not do (going to the dentist/doctor, renewing your drivers licence, etc, excepted 🙂
      You don’t even need to make excuses. “No, Thankyou,” is sufficient

  72. I am a little confused by the comment made, Maybe you can clarify what you think I meant! Thank you very kindly!

  73. F*** ABA therapy!!! These aba people are crazy! In addition to the horrifying explicit abuse of ABA, let’s also center in on the disgusting principle of conditional attention. Doesn’t that sound like an abuser?? Someone who pretends to love you when you do what they want. F****** *** they are innocent children!!! Bringing candy is so wrong too. And awful for development not to mention!!! And the autism diagnosis has CHANGED! LOVAAS ABA WAS PROVEN EVIDENCE BASED FOR THE 1990 DEFINITION OF AUTISM, NOT THE NEW COMPLETELY DIFFERENT GROUP OF THE AUTISM SPECTRUM!!!!!

  74. Thank you. While I wasn’t treated with ABA (didn’t get diagnosed till I was 37) I was actually abused into normal and the physical was so much easier to deal with then the mental and emotional. And that was the SAME. Exactly. My needs ignored, my trying to communicate, my meltdowns were all treated as things to be trained out of. And it hurts, still. 40 years on. Thank you.

  75. I have “high functioning” autism and I am also a teacher of autistic kids. Most of my student would be classed as “severe and profound” as many of my students often have other disabilities. Very severe behaviors, such as self-injurious behaviors or injurious to others (trust me, I have scars I can show you.) I have been trained in “ABA” practices and I rarely use them. I do believe that all behavior is communication… and if the behavior is “negative” (such as self-injury or injurious to others, etc) I determine what causes the behavior. Then I design approaches that can help the child reduce behaviors. Maybe they are stressed about schedule change, maybe they don’t like a noise, maybe they are bothered by the brightness of something, maybe there’s a smell, maybe they don’t understand a concept… etc. When I teach in my room, if my student doesn’t understand or “get” something, I assume that it was a failure on my part and not the student’s. I try to engage in a high rate of natural environment and play based teaching. I try so hard to have blocks of the day where it is student driven… get down on the floor and play with kids and follow their lead. I don’t like reward systems (feeding kids treats for doing a great job like in DTT) … I don’t know… I’m constantly trying to improve myself and make sure I’m the best I can be for my students. My goal is not to “make them normal” or less autistic and I’m always upfront with parents. My goal is to reduce severe harmful behavior and increase communication needs. I just worry… I want to do the best I can.

    I just hope I’m doing the right thing when I use some concepts of ABA.

  76. So here’s my question. As a parent of an autistic toddler, we want what’s best for the child. We live in a judgmental society regardless of if you are autistic or not. They judge you based of race, religion, sex, age, etc. We all go to school and have guidelines to follow as a society. Raise your hand to and wait to be called, be quiet in an auditorium when a speaker is talking, etc. We have rules in society and you are judged, talked about, frowned on, etc if you do a non-social act. If you are saying ABA is not the right tool because it is a form of abuse, then explain what the right way is. There is a reason why statistically we have a higher suicide rate for autistic people due to the non acceptance of their behavior in society. We all conform to life around us and to say well people should just accept us is great. But reality is that is not the case with this world where everyone is judged. So tell me exactly what is the best way to direct an autistic child in a way that they are accepted in our world as they are without feeling judged everywhere they go. What guidance center exist that is geared towards developing autistic kids that not only strengthens their individuality but prepares them for social acceptance? All I see is ABA centers, but there is nothing else. There’s where the problem lies. There is simply nothing else available that is state funded or even privately created that we can go with. Please provide solutions instead of saying one way is not it. Because at the end of the day, I am not qualified or certified to know which development center to go with.

    1. “All I see is ABA centers, but there is nothing else. There’s where the problem lies. There is simply nothing else available that is state funded or even privately created that we can go with.”

      That’s because ABA is a total racket. It exists to perpetuate itself. It’s “evidence based” or “data driven” according to them, but guess who controls that data and what it says? That’s right, the very practitioners of it. For all the hours ABA acolytes spend “working” with children, they spend just as much time, if not more, doing all the paperwork behind the scenes to justify ABA, to make it look like the program is working, even if they have to keep lowering the bar and changing the data points to do so.

      So it is marketed to politicians who make the laws dictating what the state, public schools, and/or insurance companies can cover, and because the ABA racket went to them with their “documented proof….EVIDENCE that it works,” it becomes the go-to for ASD families, because the politicians and insurance companies can say they put money towards what is proven to be effective. “Just look at the evidence!”

      1. Oh and the ABA acolytes also have premanufactured excuses as to why that type of programming doesn’t actually yield promised results across the board:
        1) It’s the parents’ fault
        2) The highly trained professional ABA practitioner was doing it wrong
        3) That’s as good as the child was ever going to get

        ABA acolytes are sick individuals.

    2. Have his problems properly diagnosed. Autistic is nothing more than a description of a behaviour. Until you KNOW why he is autistic then whatever you do is likely to be of little help.

  77. If I’m being honest there valid points to this article. I agree, in the videos it was not shown that the children’s feelings were being taken into account. However, it was also not explicitly shown what transpired beforehand with the children that caused their reactions or the reactions of the therapists.
    Using the videos for analysis is a great move and isn’t being dissuaded, but the statements of what the Child might be feeling is also an opinion since no one can say what a person is feeling from one moment to the next with 100% certainty.
    Is ABA always great? No.
    Is it always harmful? No.
    There are highlighted points and deficits to ABA.

    I want to give a quick hypothesis: Let’s say the child from the video with their hands held in their lap repeatedly is a child who rips their hair out of their heads, causing contusions, tissue damage, blood loss, and ruptured skin prone to infection. Is this behavior stimming or an precursor to feeling overwhelmed or satisfying a need? Debatable, but unknown. However, the immediate problem in this scenario is the injury caused to the child. What would you do in this situation?

    Let’s unfold what has been attempted:

    The child continuously injures themselves, asking them to stop hair ripping and explaining the concept of hair pulling dangers has failed. Inquiring why they do the hair ripping has be inconclusive and the ripping continues. Offering distractions and facilitating options to empower the person to make an alternative non-dangerous decision has failed. Finally, blocking their hands for physically completing the motion to pull hair out has failed and has agitated the child and may have increased the hair ripping behavior.

    This hypothetical situation is a common issue addressed in current ABA 2020. Though the year of the video is irrelevant for this hypothetical scenario, the 2020 ABA response would be to redirect the child’s hands continuously to their lap protect them from hurting themselves. Maybe in this scenario the child doesn’t mind or even enjoys the sensation of the hair ripping. The reason this scenario has the child’s hands in their lap and continuously held there by the therapist is to stop injury. This scenario given could be similar to how a medically licensed physician would block a child with PICA from ingesting non-food, harmful objects.

    My point isn’t to change your mind about ABA, but to point out that there is good and bad sides. To ignore the child’s feeling in ABA is wrong and a negative connotation. To control them is even worst, but for a second let’s consider this:

    Same scenario, but instead the child pulls someone else’s hair.

    Unfortunately, the reverse scenario is a commonality in ABA. In that moment, the child is pulling someone’s hair. You’ve tried the aforementioned approaches, but unfortunately the hair ripping continues, so the child’s hands are put into their lap whenever hair maybe close enough to pull. Unfortunately now, the kid is being controlled in order to not hurt others who’s feelings aren’t or cannot be considered by the child.

    Now, on this reverse scenario the kid has grown up into a 30-45 year old adult. Who has just ripped someone’s hair out. Yes, this child aged into an adult is considered neurodivergent, but in this moment have injured another person. In that moment, yes there may have been things affecting this person seen and unseen. However, now someone else is also hurting. What happens now that assault has happened?

    Best Case Scenario: The person who was assaulted knew enough intricate information about that the adult who ripped their hair out. That they were neurodivergent, overwhelmed and or fulfilling an internal need, and perhaps very apologetic afterwards. Crisis averted.

    Worst Case Scenario: The person is a stranger; completely unaware of all of these details and is now in immense pain, knee jerk reactionary, and retaliates by causing grievous bodily harm to the adult who ripped their hair out for virtually no perceptible reason from their perspective.

    If the worst case scenario is actualized, then you have two hurt people in a alarmingly escalating situation.

    Since you have tried to teach through other methods to stop the hair ripping, and it persists…wouldn’t the logical thing be to attempt muscle memory teaching that child turned adult not to rip hair by physically reminding them that when hair is present, put your hands in your lap?

    I respect the practice of putting the client’s feelings first is health professional’s duty. I agree with the notion that having your feelings diminished is toxic and harmful. However, its sometimes situational in my opinion. Feelings and rights are to be protected and respected regarding the person being empowered/living a life of their choice, but not at the endangerment of the self or others.

    The ABA in 2020 has shown to focus more on teaching:
    -Basic survival skills of clothing, bathing, and feeding one self
    -How to navigate the unbalanced, unequal tribulations of life (emotional regulation in the face of adversity)
    -How to communicate (whether by sign or method comfortable yet understandable) needs, wants, desires, and goals to the external world
    -Basic cognitive development skills (like critical thinking and puzzle solving skills)

    Than control.

    As a modern ABA therapist, coming across this article really broke my heart. I wholeheartedly would like people have experienced ABA in the past to share their experiences with those currently in the ABA field so we can improve the shortcomings. Shock therapy was once used as the main “cure” for depression, but it was obviously not flawless. However, electro-convulsion therapy does help lessen seizures. If parts of ABA don’t work, parts that do can be similarly converted into a hybrid interdisciplinary cross-field practice to make better therapy in my opinion.

  78. I was born premature to a single mum (father had visitation couple times a year or so), and I was suspected to have prenatal alcohol syndrome. Combine that with (potential) speech development issues around the time I was 2-3yo, I had already figured out that I wasn’t like other kids, but I was somehow different. Went to shortly after me having a tantrum at a Catholic School, of which I was practically expelled from due to that (along with quote “me having took a stapler and stapling my arm.” When in reality all I did was take a few individual Staples and just poked my arm with it while the principal was talking to me about my said tantrum as I was unhappy about something or something like that, I don’t really remember it that much… but needless to say, mum took me to a doctor and a therapist, and I was diagnosed with ADD, was put on meds that did NOTHING but make whatever my “issue” was/is worse. My mum being disabled/WC bound around the time I turned eight years old didn’t help either, as then I was partially raised by my grandparents/had to help my mom with physical therapy and helping her go to doctors offices and hospitals to take care of what she had to take care of, at least until she passed away in 08 or so from a blood clot that I had coincidentally told one of her visiting home nurses that she had a blood clot, as I had just watched a documentary on Discovery health about blood clots and she was literally exhibiting all of the symptoms of one, to which I was ignored and even mocked. At least she passed away in her sleep…Granted, I know they all had the best intentions for me, but to me it felt like they weren’t addressing ME, there were addressing my behavior issues. And crap like this ABA, all the therapists, my family who wouldn’t address the CAUSE of my behavior, be it from being raised in a broken home with a disabled mum or not having a traditional two-parent household raised by mother and father… I just feel like all of these “professionals” tried to turn me into a “normal person”, but eventually went with the developmental problem diagnosis to the point that I was actually put into an Autistic classroom (per doctor’s orders 😭), where I excelled up and even helped some of the autistic kids in the class with some of their issues, well at least up until 3rd/4th grade…Then IT ALL WENT DOWNHILL! From then on, was told that I had either a learning disability to mild autism or even Asperger’s, mathematics disorder and ADD/ADHD, from multiple therapists/doctors, in different states/organizations like TEACH @UNC (in all honesty I think teach was probably the one that got it right, but I have no idea because I still have no f****** idea what’s wrong with me lol. That was all back in the 90s/00’s. Now that I’m an adult, even though NOTHING helped at all with my continuing problems that I know exist because I’ve never felt right per se…More so in that in the back of my mind I know that there’s something about me that isn’t necessarily normal as society would like me to be but all the resources for adults with autism or whatever are lackluster to say the least and are absolutely no help at all. Hell I don’t even know if I have f****** autism cuz damn doctors and therapists f***ed my mind/brain up (I suspect chemically, but again I don’t know, and at the rate I’m going I will probably never know…) and the didn’t even address as to WHY I was acting out (which I honestly attribute to me feeling unhappy or something like that because I didn’t have mum AND father around in a traditional family style unit… Go figure, huh?). As a result of all of that, I was a bad kid and did some bad things and hurt my mum in more ways than I care to admit, hurt my grandparents in more ways than I care to admit, and I practically ruined my father’s financial stability with medical bills, child support, etc…IDK, just feel unlike a normal person in general…
    I DO KNOW that I wasn’t treated like an individual, I was treated like a statistic, or even a number on a piece of paper. I do not have the financial ability to hire therapist, I quit taking prescription medication when I was 17yo of my own fruition, because they were interfering with my education (was sleeping in class, and it wasn’t due to insomnia). I’ve had the pills (I think I started off with ritalin, that made me have like a slow-motion acid trip or some crazy s*** I don’t remember but it was weird as hell, then tenex and risperdal, then I want to say abilify and…something spelled like bupropion(?)), and the patches (Do they still use those medicine patches? LOL). OH, and I was in what I can only call a clinical trial for ADHD medication where doctors pricked my finger on an almost daily basis me for blood tests, put me on at least I believe three or four different medications at various intervals during my time there, and one time when I acted out or had a tantrum or something like that and I wouldn’t calm down, I was thrown into a white padded room by myself with nothing but a drain on the floor and an overhead light above me. I don’t know how long I was in there…It could have been 10 minutes, it could have been 30 minutes to an hour I do not remember…but I do remember pissing down that drain because I begged and pleaded and cried and banged on the door and rolled around on the floor…I practically became an uncontrollable animal all because I had to fuckin piss and I was not allowed to leave the padded room and go to the bathroom. I told em as much and that I was going to piss in there if they didn’t let me out. So I did and they let me out then LOL. Although, I wasn’t necessarily a loner during my school years, but I definitely did not have the social skills or any skills really to fully integrate into society. To this day I have trouble looking people in the eyes. I used to stim when I was a kid by rocking back and forth (mainly in the car, for some reason) but since I got weird looks I eventually stopped it myself, cuz I didn’t want to be that “weird kid/dude”. However, I still will occasionally wake up and find myself to have been rocking back and forth in my sleep…I don’t know why…I cannot go outside without fear of being made fun of because I f***** up saying something stupid to somebody, I’ve been in fights with friends and ex-girlfriend over miscommunications on my part or adverse reactions that aren’t socially acceptable, like laughing when somebody is mad n yelling at you when you messed up or whatever, I can kind of read body language but that doesn’t really help me any because no matter where I go or where I’m at I never feel like a normal person in public…I’m just tired of not being listened to, not being taken seriously by people because of whatever the f*** is wrong with me, I can barely hold down a job for more than a year that doesn’t involve me f****** up the job to the point that my only source of income right now is Doordashing…I’m sick of all the f****** b*******, man. Funnily enough, I’ve lost most of my faith in people at this point and now I’ve been leaning on God as of late… MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO LISTENS TO ME ABOUT MY PROBLEMS! Everybody else that I try to talk to about it, I’m either told that it’s in the past and it doesn’t matter now and to get over it and move on, or to just shut up and suck it up cuz they don’t want to hear it, or how they have lives to live and can’t deal with me and my problems, or how I’m just someone who uses people because I’m selfish…And yet none of them address my actual needs…Well…Now that I think about it, I don’t even know what I need…I have no f****** idea. Everybody’s always told me that I need to be productive member of society, but how the f*** can I be a productive member of society if nobody will teach me the things that I need to learn to be a productive individual!? Parents didn’t do that, school didn’t do that, people at jobs don’t do that, nobody has f****** done it. And now I’m youtubing everything and trying to learn as much as I can by myself, and I’m bitches at for it cuz I’m always on my phone. I’m always on my phone cuz nobody f****** takes me seriously and at least people online will actually talk to me and I can have conversations without people ignoring me or jumping into a conversation with someone else when they get bored about what I’m talking about or whatever man f****** ridiculous and I’m trying to change myself if I don’t know what’s wrong how the f*** can I better myself?! So f*** it I’m just going to do what I can with what I got try to find a job that pays relatively well so I don’t have to be a burden on anyone else cuz that’s all I felt like for 29 years is a f****** burden, even though I was my own burden for doing stupid bad s*** as a kid/young adult that I shouldn’t have done now that I look back on it but at the time I didn’t think about anything I just did stuff with very limited self-control…Oh crap I’m rambling now…I’m probably going to get s*** on here for posting this on here but you know what f*** it I don’t care, hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes and have a better life because of my…I was going to say story but I guess you can consider it an essay, but whatever, if you read this thank you and God bless you.

    1. So sad 🙁 I do worry about this labelling of children, which then seems to determine how they will be treated, instead of helping the individual.
      We are all individuals and no two of us are every exactly alike. Autism is a DREADFUL diagnosis because it ends up with being “boxed” and expected to behave in certain ways and resong in certain way to a formulated treatment of the ‘diagnosis’.

  79. I had been warned so much about ABA and how insidious it is. I was tricked into working for an ABA program — I didn’t know what it was when I started, and was horrified once I found out. ABA teaches instructors to ignore a child’s feelings in order to focus on the desires of the NTs who put them in the program. Clients were always too loud/quiet/affectionate/distant. No matter the behavior, it appeared we were there to only discourage them. They couldn’t flap their hands, rock back and forth, repeat phrases, stroke the chair, nothing. They were to sit and be quiet like obedient little robots, and in return they got a puzzle, a piece of candy, a video, a toy. It’s absolutely awful. This doesn’t mean the clients didn’t like us — my clients were always delighted to see me. But in the brief time I worked there, I knew that it was harming them, and I cried every single day.

    ABA is so evil and it’s so easy to trick even the most well meaning NT people into thinking it’s helpful. To disguise it as something it’s not.

  80. Whilst parenting children without autism is so badly done what hope is there for autistic children. Emotional needs have to be met for a child to flourish and it takes the time that it takes for each child. My grandchildren are 4 and 6. One has had no problems. The 6 year old has has deafness and difficulty with communicating. We thought sh might have autism. The meltdowns were horrendous. Mum couldn’t cope so they moved in with me. We got her hearing fixed with grommets but she had been through a tough time emotionally because of mums anger. She had thought about having her adopted. Her parenting skills were poor as mum was brought up in a childrens home. Also she developed Graves disease which made it hard to keep calm herself. Over the past 2 years we have managed to work together as a team. We help the children to Express their emotions through drawing and giving names to the feelings whilst confirming it’s ok to have those feelings.
    The kind of training in those videos is appalling. I train a horse and would not even treat an animal that way. It is very rushed with no time to process, theres manipulation which is inappropriate, the therapist makes no attempt to enter the childs world to lead the child forward. When my grandaughter used to play I would get down on the floor and join her until I became a part of that world and we started to relate. Having language for emotions is very important but it isn’t all verbal. I guess that’s where the motion part comes in. When a child is expressing with their body because they dont have language it is up to us to let them and try to understand. Luckily 2 years on and both grandchildren are happy. The screaming has all but stopped (even my parrot has stopped screaming). Both children are at school and doing well. They both have horse riding lessons, can rollerscate and ride bikes. The one that was very deaf now plays piano by ear very well, both hands are used. Sing a tune and she can play it. No one taught her. Her art is amazing too with incredible detail. This shows the difference that can be made by meeting the emotional needs rather than using force and smacking in a non autistic child. Surely the autistic child should have the same respect.

    1. One serious problem is that autistic children often have, is Autistic parents.
      I also strongly suspect that people who go into counselling are likely to have problems themselves.
      Brought on ab a feeling that they are solved their own problems and can therefore help others.
      The problem with this is we all have our own problems.
      Both of my parents would have been diagnosed as Asperger’s if they were alive today. But they were both different, We kids and a hard tome growing up, becuase we had no good role model for social behaviour.
      I feel very blessed that I was lucky enough to have some ver very good and undertanding terachers, though people still think of me as ‘on hte spectrum’.

  81. I’m reeling at the knowledge that I was subjected to ABA type “therapies” since I was 3 months old! What do I do with these feelings? This explains so much about me and makes me so sad. The most intensive ones stopped around 13, but it wasn’t until I left home at 18 for college that I finally got to rest.

  82. Thank you so much for sharing this and putting the energy into helping us understand. One thing that struck me, as an allistic person (I hope I am using that term correctly) is that I HATE being tickled. If you tickle me, I will probably laugh, just like if the doctor uses that bangy thing on my knee it will kick. I’ve seen kids being tickled yelling “stop, stop, stop” – but laughing and laughing and we trust their laugh more than their words to decide what they want. And I see this with neurotypical children and I think it is bordering on abuse. Seeing tickles used as positive reinforcement – on top of everything else you shared, actually was very uncomfortable for me to watch.

  83. The way some of those ABA therapists in the video were touching those kids was so weird. If any adult did that to a neurotypical kid there’d be hell to pay. I swear these people have no respect for these kids’ boundaries or consent.

  84. Hi there, great article, super informative. As an RBT in training at a facility for young children with autism, I’d like to know your opinion as an autistic person on some things.

    One thing that stuck out to me in your article was your criticism that in ABA, therapists are only focused on the behavior/changing the behavior, and they don’t focus on the WHY of the behavior/the emotion behind the behavior/the thing the individual is trying to communicate or achieve with the behavior. While it is true that changing behavior is the main focus of ABA (hence the name of course), in my experience thus far (and training using the national standard BCBA RBT training), one of the most important interventions that we have been taught to use in regards to behavior is functional communication training and functional behavior assessments (in this context, function means the cause of the behavior). This means in essence that we must always try and understand the cause of/emotion behind the behavior so that we can teach kids to communicate the cause behind the behavior more effectively. (A common example might be a kid demonstrating aggression or self injurious behavior when they are upset about not having access to their favorite toy. When FCT is implemented, the child is taught and reinforced to communicate “I’m sad and I want my toy” or “I want to play”, and the SIB or aggression is not reinforced so that hopefully the communication replaces the harmful behavior). So I guess I’m trying to say in my own personal experience I’ve seen almost quite the opposite than what you describe in this article in a solid portion of what I’ve observed.

    I’m not saying that the harmful methods of ABA that you described don’t occur in many practices. They clearly do and I believe that this is a problem and we all as therapists need to work harder and do better to understand the emotions and perspective of these kids better than we have been. My main question is that, in your opinion, is this a form of ABA that is acceptable (so long as the goal is not to try and make autistic children “normal” or “indistinguishable” but rather just to teach them effective social and living skills)? Or would you still consider this an undesirable form of treatment? I care so much about the kids that I’ve been working with and would hate to do anything that wasn’t beneficial to them; it breaks my heart to think my good intentions may cause harm in any way.

    I’m curious to know if there are forms or methods under the umbrella term of ABA that you might consider helpful or beneficial or, at the very least, not abusive in nature (such as the methods above)? Or if it’s the entirety of ABA that you believe should be condemned.
    P.S. my facility caps therapy at about 30 hours per week per individual, but most of our kids do much much less.

    1. The very biggest problem is that Autism is not a single diagnosis There are many causes, as well as different behaviours.
      In “normal” people there is also a wide variability in people’s behaviours.
      Who is to say WHAT should be ‘cured’ and what is perfect OK, even though not common?
      Basically anything that makes the child feel that s/he is ‘wrong’ is bad.
      Nothing wrong with rocking when stressed. Help the child feel less stressed.
      Nothing really wrong with hand flapping if it makes the individual feel more comfortable. I know when I start dong this I need some ‘time out’.
      What does need help is self destructive behaviours, including those that will make people behave badly towards the individual.
      This only exacerbates the individual’s stress, so sensible advice about how to behave in public is fine. As id permission tp go off my one’s self
      I haven’t had much to do with brain damaged peopl
      e with Autistic behaviour — mine ‘runs in the family’ 🙁 Mostly we tend to run on and on and on and . . .

      1. I would like to add that autistic “aggression” cannot be reinforced as it is involuntary and reflexive. Refusing to address our problem as a result of behaviors we cannot control causes us a lot of unnecessary distress.

        We strongly warn against places that consider our behaviors to be operant and therefore reinforceable/punishable/extinguishable. Our behaviors are reflexive/unconditioned, and instead we need our emotional expression to be taken seriously. Also, since we have a communication disorder, refusing to acknowledge our attempts to communicate because we have improper emotional tone – ie too angry, too whiny, not complete sentences – is punishing us for our disability.

    2. Ultimately I just don’t believe that operant conditioning is the best way to approach a neurological condition.

      Nor do I think there is anything usefully unique to ABA which is not offered by other forms of therapy which also teach life skills etc

      1. People her might be interested in this video. It is really more about Operant Conditioning than dogs per se.
        Dog Behavior – (BTO Episode #1) Beyond the Operant with Kathy Murphy, Andrew Hale, and Kim Brophey – YouTube

  85. We chose not to do ABA with our son — and were sometimes made to feel we were cheating him. But we knew he would just be miserable and stressed. We were patient, we worked to overcome his health and sensory challenges — and he’s a lovely young man. If he is being less than lovely, we know he is experiencing pain or discomfort. I am glad we stuck with less invasive speech and OT, plus equine assisted therapy. I am glad we gave him hours and hours of down time. He is who he is, and he’s perfectly fine.

  86. We all have to learn to deal with life. GOOD ABA Therapists will work with children and families to help them be able to cope with life. They will have outlets, they will be able to function say in the grocery store…maybe with accommodations but they need to be able to go places safely.
    Of course everyone should be allowed to express themselves, but everyone also has to be respectful of everyone else. There needs to be a balance and that is why ABA Therapists need to continue their own education and be flexible in their approaches. ABA Therapy, as any therapy, is constantly evolving and growing. It is science based and research led. There should be more education available and parents looking into ABA Therapy should go with a reputable company and interview them, not just pick someone without the background training and knowledge to apply it appropriately for their child.

    1. There are other science-based, research-led therapies for autism which don’t involve any of the tortures listed above.

      The links and videos included above ARE of “good” ABA. Did you see any children being electrocuted? Starved? No, because THAT’S what “bad” ABA looks like.

      “Good” ABA is as pictured above.

      We can have science based therapies which respect autistic needs AND actually help us.

      1. What I saw was children being abused. The child was given no space for input into the treatment. The child was not even being asked politely, just TOLD WHAT TO DO!
        The child had no say in whether or not it wanted to attend the “therapy sessions”. Nobody apparently even bothered to ask the child what the problem was.
        Put yourself into a similar situation. You are in a place where you do not understand the language, and the cultural expectations are entirely different from what you know!

      2. Actually, l when I hear people talking about “Science-based”, I realise they have absolutely NO idea about science, but are relying on nothing more than socially pushed therapies by those in Authority.
        “Behaviorism” is a very outdated concept. Sure behaviour relies on feedback from the environment, but it is mostly caused by internal/ physiological actions in the body of the subject.
        When ‘using’ ‘Behaviorism”, the most important thing to assess is IF the offered whatever is going to reward that individual and this reinforce a behaviour — not that it had worked for others!
        Or in other words they MOST important thing a therapist can do is get to know the individual they ae tying to help. (Not the parents of the individual/not the teacher/ not the doctor/not your superior/supervisor.)

  87. What are some other strategies or interventions you think would be appropriate or effective in teaching what ABA claims to teach?

    1. Until ‘they’ diagnose the underlying cause of the autistic behaviour, there can be no one size fits all ‘interventions’ for autistic children (or indeed adults).
      It is as bad as the old ‘lunatic asylums’, where no matter what problem an individual had, they were all treated as ‘mad’.

    2. Well, first of all, most of us agree that we don’t want to learn what ABA claims to teach. ABA is focused on “life skills”, e.g. helping us “catch up” to typically developing children. Except that we don’t need help with that. We develop at our own pace and would like to be allowed to do so.

      Therapies that many autistic people do report finding useful include occupational therapy, mindfulness, communication-based therapies, etc.

      1. “The links and videos included above ARE of “good” ABA. Did you see any children being electrocuted? Starved? No, because THAT’S what “bad” ABA looks like.” Ummm.
        Doesn’t look ‘good to me’. It used force, and negative reinforcement, ie “If you do what I tell you to do, then I will take away THAT aversive.”
        As for “occupational therapy, mindfulness, communication-based therapies, etc.” I suspect that you are confusing ‘Autism’ with mental retardation.
        Now I know that it is becoming increasingly common to describe mental retardation as “Autism”, because people with mental problems (retardation/injury) often have “autistic behaviour”.
        but many many people with very high intelligence show what is describes as “Autistic behaviour” and we can be really really pi**ed of by people with pedestrian brains trying to tell us what to do and how to behave!
        Please modify any ‘help’ you want to offer to the individual NOT your idea of “Autistic”.