Relationship Rubik’s Cube

Because of the intersecting parts of my identity, being Black, AFAB (assigned female at birth), queer, trans, atheist/antitheist, and autistic, I describe myself to be a relationship Rubik’s cube. There are so many parts or colored squares that have to line up or come together, for there to be potential with a romantic partner. It’s common for one or two colors to match but rarely the majority, and I don’t think all of them ever have.

The main source of my disconnect with romantic partners, though I am sexually queer, I have and always had a preference for men. I have only ever wanted to date and have dated only men. I have also solely dated Black men, with the exception of dating a White guy for a few months. This alone translates to having to deal with their misogynoir (misogyny against Black AFAB people and trans women), and at other times, their transphobia/homophobia. All are interwoven within the Black community, mainly through Christianity, which then conflicts with my atheism/antitheism.

Being autistic, I unconsciously connected with other neurodivergent men, mostly who were undiagnosed, but clearly were, evident by their actions. This in some ways is comforting because there is an unspoken understanding, but in other ways, quite challenging, as communication isn’t a strong suit for either of us, which clearly is a necessity for a healthy partnership.

Because of my intersectionality, I am also tasked with the labor of educating my partners with information of areas in which they are ignorant, that is of course if they are even open to learning. The reality being many were not.

I educate others professionally as a social justice advocate and empowerment coach, only to then be a “teacher” in my relationship. To say this is exhausting, is an understatement, and eventually takes a toll, not only on my mental health, but emotional as well. Oftentimes, after a prolonged period, my desire to teach would morph into resenting them.

I am too autistic/demisexual to date a neurotypical man. They repeatedly told me I was “too intense/sensitive/much.”

I am too AFAB/genderqueer to date a cis &/or hetero man.

I am too Black to date a non-Black man, because Black men are “home.”

I am too atheist/antitheist to date a religious man, especially from an Abrahamic religion.

I am too knowledgeable to date a non-sociological minded man.

I am the antithesis to many societal norms, which significantly decreases my potential partners.

Ultimately, I had to choose between masking parts of myself to avoid conflict within a relationship, while dealing with their constant invalidation, having to teach, at the cost of my mental health, or be alone, without physical contact/companionship, no labor, void of me having to fight the world and them.

For now, I am on the fence as to which is the lesser of evils, but I am open to teaching a man who wants to authentically learn and is willing to do the work.

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4 Responses

    1. That was an editor’s mistake and not the author’s. We have updated it to include Black trans women. Thank you for catching this and giving this feedback.

  1. I do not buy into intersectionality. I do not buy into marxism. I will admit to being hard right because the hard right values me as a human being. The left takes money from me at gun point to pay for aba therapy, which I consider to be child abuse and the republicans do nothing to stop it. The left continutes to support abortion while the republicans do nothing to stop it, meanwhile autism speaks is researching how to identify us before we are born to kill us before we can join into this world. I believe that there are wicked decadent people who are dragging our society into the sewer. I dream of a world with tradition reborn, where all can partake. Where autistic people raise large families with the full support of their neurotypical neighbors. Where NASA conquers living space among the stars, where a factory worker makes enough money to support a homemaker, owns two cars, a middle class house and can afford a yearly vacation and a retirement account to match. I dream of a world where we all share a beautiful culture that lifts us up rather than tearing us down, where the strongmen are indebted to the communities that raise them. Where the poor and the small have options other than to die on the streets. Where the disabled can expect the support of their compatriots, where great feats of mind and body are rewarded over unintelligent drivel. Where ABA is a thing of the past and where those who mistreat or brainwash children are physically removed from the community. Where we a free to be our biological selves, even if that means being autistic or homosexual, even if that means being disabled. I dream of a society where the rich have no more political power than everything else, and where corporations that fail are left to die. Where stupid brother wars are nonexistent, and where a pax americana brings us all lasting prosperity. I dream of a new golden age, I am the youth, and I will build a new society where no mother will mourn her son, and no father will cry for his nation. I am a new golden age.

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