Forgoing and Going: The best and worst feelings autistics feel

an indian american man looks out a window. he appears to be in deep thought

Working with my mind is easy.

Working with the body is trying.

Working with both is plain torture.

(Working to point to spell isn’t always easy. In fact, today is a good day, so here goes.)

The worst feelings in the world autistics feel are as follows:

Working to point to spell with others is lovely. Waiting in silence, to find a partner to spell with is the worst feeling. Working to plan for the words I want to share is the worst feeling. Working on having to plan my words limits everything I have to share. Working on losing those words is the worst feeling. 

Working on the autistic’s far-going quest to access communication keeps my resolve going. Working on the resolve to keep working on this is the worst feeling in the world. Forgoing the autistic’s quest is the worst feeling in the world. Leaving the autistic’s far-going quest indefinitely is the worst feeling in the world. Working to make the best use of our limited opportunities is the worst thing in the world. 

Working to make use of the love autistics have for other autistics is the best feeling in the world. Working together with autistics on our far-going quest to be seen worthy of education and opportunities is the best feeling in the world. 

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3 Responses

  1. “Waiting in silence, to find a partner to spell with is the worst feeling.”

    These words moved me so much they stunned me and brought tears to my eyes. I realize how much I take my freedom to communicate for granted. I am privileged beyond measure in this to have words, art, music, and my spoken voice to express with, pretty much whenever I want or need to. Sometimes I lose my words due to stress or distraction. But that does not happen often enough to allow me to really know what that silence must be like for you when there is no one to spell with or to and all of the things you need and want to say vanish.

    Thank you for expressing what must be painful to express. It is important that we come to understand what it is like to lack the opportunity to communicate. What it is like when the world does not facilitate your needs and you are shut in a box of silence. What it is like when you have so much to say and no one is listening.

    I want that box of silence to shatter. How do I help make that happen?

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